[pauljh74]

Just bought an iPod Touch. It's just like an iPhone, but you can't make calls.

No, wait, it's exactly like an iPhone.
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iphone manufacturers were right to say, don't grip it too tight or you'll lose signal ...

I did as they said, dropped it and bought a decent bloody mobile off the insurance.
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I launched a paper aeroplane at my Religious Studies teacher. He asked if it was me and I denied all knowledge.

He said, "Don't lie to me, boy!"

I replied, "But you've been lying to us all afternoon, sir."
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Christianity - The religion based on the irony of a carpenter being nailed to a giant wooden cross.
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Today I went to confessional at my local church. I said to the priest: "forgive me father for I have sinned, it's been six months since my last confession."

He asked what I would like to confess so I told him: "I'm going to blackmail somebody father."
"Why?" He asked.
"Because they have committed a terrible act father."
"Why not go to the police?" Questioned the priest.
"Because I need the money father." I replied.
"What terrible act has this unfortunate soul committed?" He asked.

"I saw him touching a choir boy inappropriately, sound familiar father!?!?"
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