[pauljh74]

What a mess to sort out. I can't believe I've mixed their Valentine's Day cards up.

The girlfriend now thinks I love her and the wife thinks I want to shag her.
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"You can tell a lot about a person by their car."
For example: if it's in a ditch, it's a woman.
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I was in the pub with the wife last night and I said

"I love you".

"Is that you or the beer talking?"

"It was me talking to the beer"
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I pranked my girlfriend twice in a space of two days.

Yesterday I drew a tarantula on her rear view mirror, and today at the funeral, I drew one on her cheek.