I love my daughter

[Spudz27]

I just had to share this. I currently have tears rolling down my face. Mid last year my Gran whom I was very close to passed away. I have had no time to grieve as I am busy working and with my own issues. My daughter just went outside and ran in and said "look dad Gran is in the sky" obviously I was confused. I asked her what she meant and she replied "The stars daddy, remember gran passed away and now she is one of the stars, and I can see her looking at us" Obviously I am quite emotional right now, but what a mind my 4yr old daughter has, the weirdest part is I have never told her what she just said.

[Scott]

Kids eh? Just when you get caught up in your normal day-to-day they bring you straight back home to earth.

[05_ENFORCER]

Originally Posted by Scott

Kids eh? Just when you get caught up in your normal day-to-day they bring you straight back home to earth.

He He He, kids quite often do that on the most stressfull occasions, it's just sometimes we don't listen too well



.

[Fled74]

Originally Posted by 05_ENFORCER

He He He, kids quite often do that on the most stressfull occasions, it's just sometimes we don't listen too well
.

Too true. I have a "stress face" (as my wife calls it) that I get when things aren't going my way. I'm not aware I do it but my 4 year old daughter picks it up straight away - she gives me a hug and says "Don't get upset, Daddy. It's OK."

[Mickxr8]

Good onya mate, we (i think) need some good happy stories to go round Atm
(my condolances to your grandmother)

[ego gtp]

my mum died when i was single and 22 and when i got married and had my 2 beautiful daughters i told them that when they looked up at the sky at night the brightest star they could see was grandma angel and she was looking after them they are now 15 and 12 and they still do it makes me so proud cheers gary

[fordv8!]

yeah kids put things into perspective in the simplest manner and in the hard times thats what gets you through sometimes. condolances to your grandmother

[killerjoolz]

my 4 year old grandson talks to my dad and father inlaw who both passed away in 1994,he also told me in detail how my mum was killed in a holden in 1975 and said that my hubby's brother who died in 1981 told him all about it....he says he see's them all the time,the last being on xmas eve,he asked to talk to the old man standing out the front,we ask what old man and he said it was mummy's poppy and came inside and pointed to him in a photo on the wall....
we don't discourage him from talking to them,as one day he may grow out of it and we'll have no contact with them....Puffin Fresh,maybe you should ask your daughter does she talk to ur mum,you may be suprised,it freaked us a little at 1st,but we think its cool now

[Spudz27]

Originally Posted by killerjoolz

my 4 year old grandson talks to my dad and father inlaw who both passed away in 1994,he also told me in detail how my mum was killed in a holden in 1975 and said that my hubby's brother who died in 1981 told him all about it....he says he see's them all the time,the last being on xmas eve,he asked to talk to the old man standing out the front,we ask what old man and he said it was mummy's poppy and came inside and pointed to him in a photo on the wall....
we don't discourage him from talking to them,as one day he may grow out of it and we'll have no contact with them....Puffin Fresh,maybe you should ask your daughter does she talk to ur mum,you may be suprised,it freaked us a little at 1st,but we think its cool now

That would certainly freak me out. The only wierd thing was on the day my gran died, about 1-2hrs before my daughter burst into tears and said she missed gran. I told her to stop being silly (she was tired) and then 2hrs later my mum rang. The hardest part has been that I was to visit her in the hospital the next day. We were due in Perth and the hospital she was at, we had to pass to get to my mums.

[Scaffy]

Great thread. I do wonder sometimes, what do our kids with clean, clear, innocent minds really see and know? I believe they see a lot more than we do. It's amazing when they come out with it, as has happened with the OP. A refreshing angle on a sad situation.

Originally Posted by killerjoolz

my 4 year old grandson talks to my dad and father inlaw who both passed away in 1994,he also told me in detail how my mum was killed in a holden in 1975 and said that my hubby's brother who died in 1981 told him all about it....he says he see's them all the time,the last being on xmas eve,he asked to talk to the old man standing out the front,we ask what old man and he said it was mummy's poppy and came inside and pointed to him in a photo on the wall....
we don't discourage him from talking to them,as one day he may grow out of it and we'll have no contact with them....Puffin Fresh,maybe you should ask your daughter does she talk to ur mum,you may be suprised,it freaked us a little at 1st,but we think its cool now

Maybe it's that age of 4. When I was 4, I used to see my Pop's mother on his farm and she would tell me not to do things when I was pushing the envelope a bit too far. Calling me out of trees before I got too high, telling me to stop jumping off the wall on the verandah, over the garden bed otherwise I'll end up breaking my leg. When I read kellerjoolz's post, it sent shivers up my spine!

[killerjoolz]

Originally Posted by Scaffy

Great thread. I do wonder sometimes, what do our kids with clean, clear, innocent minds really see and know? I believe they see a lot more than we do. It's amazing when they come out with it, as has happened with the OP. A refreshing angle on a sad situation.



Maybe it's that age of 4. When I was 4, I used to see my Pop's mother on his farm and she would tell me not to do things when I was pushing the envelope a bit too far. Calling me out of trees before I got too high, telling me to stop jumping off the wall on the verandah, over the garden bed otherwise I'll end up breaking my leg. When I read kellerjoolz's post, it sent shivers up my spine!

My daughter and our grandson live with us...Rachelle(daughter) has often said that Ryder(grandson) will wake her up in the night and ask her who that is standing at the end of their bed...She just tells him to go back to sleep ..he has also said come here I'll show you a picture of Grandma(no one in the family called grandma:/) and came to the wall of family pics and pointed out my mum,she was killed when I was 8 and I don't talk about her at all...freaky..I could go on ,but I'm sure you get the picture, oh just one other thing,my hubby and all 3 daughters hvae said that they could "FLY" when they were little,as swim through the air doin a breast stroke kinda thing....

[Fled74]

Originally Posted by killerjoolz

...my hubby and all 3 daughters hvae said that they could "FLY" when they were little,as swim through the air doin a breast stroke kinda thing....

Sounds like an out-of-body experience. I had a couple of those in my mid-teens, and it freaked me out.
It was the sensation of weightlessness, and I looked down and I saw myself asleep in bed. Then came a quick sensation of falling to earth and what seemed a very real "thump" with the breath literally knocked out of me and I'd sit up in bed, heart pounding, and thinking "WTF just happened?"

[glavas]

Yeah kids say the darndest things. Sorry for your loss mate. My grandma died in 1960 but I still think of her.

[jamesson1980]

A different and refreshing thread. Sympathies Puffin, for the lost family member but congrats on raising such a lovely and switched on little girl

[Corzza]

Something you will both share and remember for a very long time!

[wadsymoo]

love it,i lost 20month old daughter bella nearly 3 yrs ago now,my other daugther who was 7 at the time used too tell me she that she would talk too bella and that she would say that she was fine and tel dad not to be sad,dont know if it was true,but sure did help.

[AUIIPURSUIT]

i had a dream where my grandma came to the foot of my bed.. the next day (we were living in europe) i was told she had been killed in a car accident.

was very much her coming to say goodbye to me. i had never had a recollected dream of her before, or after.

you just have to grieve so you can smile about the good times prior. ;)

[Bucknaked]

My Grandmother died back in 2009. To keep just a small part of her with us, my mother gave me my Grandmothers wedding ring which she had worn ever day for the past 70+ years and never took it off. So along with some wedding photo's of my grandparents and an individual photo of each, I had the ring and photo's professionally arranged, mounted and framed in an old style frame and background to compliment the photo's. I also had a small plaque which shows their respective dates of birth and death. And it now sits upon my wall for anyone to see. It was enough to bring a tear to my mother's eye when she saw it for the first time. I plan to do something similar when I get my grandfathers WW2 medals.

[HLC]

probably the wrong thread for this, but i need to rant.

As most of you are probably aware, there was a fatality a couple of weeks ago in Western Sydney where a Young Pregnant girl passed away- the car got split in half 2 other people injured but ok- car was street racing alledgedly.

WELL, this happened at the end of my GF's street very close to where i lived in Sydney before i jumped ship. My sister knew the girl personally and was good friends with her partner.

Basically, since this tradgedy, there are that many people clinging on to the emotions, putting stickers on their car, grieving at the pole, writing crap all over facebook and even crying and acting as if they knew or were even related to the poor girl. I find this so disrespectful and downright frustrating. One (18yo) girl i know was so upset by this that her parents are considering getting her a therapist. SHE DIDNT EVEN KNOW THE VICTIM. Other friends where questioned if they knew the victim when they went to her funeral, they said "well.... no not really..... but we know people who went to school with her" WTF is that???? I do not want these hanger-ons at my funeral.

And before anyone saying that they are paying their respects, they are not. They are doing this to be a 'part of it' as sad as it was. The same thing happened when the 3 teens died 200 metres up the road in Feb (i think) last year. These people come in, pretend they knew the vics like they were siblings just to be a part of it and feel important and i cant stand it.


end rant.



I am sorry for you loss, and am glad that your daughter is able to give you happiness even though it is so sad :(

[GK]

Grief is a wierd animal and our response to it can be quite varied. some people seem able to cope with a lot more than others, and move through the greiving process at a steady pace. Others may be stuck in their grief for a long. It really depends on the loss, the relationship to the lost, how they were lost, and our understanding of how greif works.

Often the loss of someone that we don't even know triggers unresolved grief in us. Teenagers are often doing this. I understand that it seems a bit strange for people who don't even know the victims to be crying and such, but as I've said, grief is weird. I know some people get a bit over the top, or at least appear that way, but we really don't know what they are currently going through, or are reconnecting with.

Grief needs to be expressed in a healthy way. It may seem disrespectful to see people who seemingly have no connection to the deceased, or those who have lost their loved ones to be openly emotional etc etc, but try to understand that they may not have been allowed to previously grieve in a healthy and proper way. Make no mistake, bottled greif will eventually emerge. The longer it's bottled, the more unhealthy it will be when it's uncorked.

As for our responses to events that we seemingly have no close connection to, how many of us shed a tear when we saw the footage of the Black Saturday fires a few years ago, or the various disasters around the world, the Bali Bombing, or when those terrorist mongrels hit London?

How many of us have recently shed tears over the floods?

I guess there will be stacks of grief in our community for a long while to come, let's try to be accomodating of each other in these testing times for our nation.

GK

[Scott]

Originally Posted by GK

Grief is a wierd animal....

Nicely said.

[Spudz27]

Thanks for all the replies. I asked my daughter today who told her about the stars and she told me no one did, but that is what people who pass away become.

[killerjoolz]

she sounds like a real little sweety your daughter

[grandpa_spec_F6]

Got a call from my father about 20 minutes ago saying my grandfather passed away, it's been very comforting to read such lovely stories, thank you very much to all who have shared

[tankclare]

Originally Posted by grandpa_spec_au

Got a call from my father about 20 minutes ago saying my grandfather passed away, it's been very comforting to read such lovely stories, thank you very much to all who have shared

Sorry to hear mate... my condolences


People use to look at me a bit weird because I hate to show emotion in front of people even at events like funerals etc. I am the kind of person who tries to stay strong for everyone else and have done so in the past. In 1997 my sister passed away from a show ride accident in Rylstone that left the whole community in mourning. It never really hit me because I was so young. My dad passed away 3 years later in 2000 2 weeks before my 10th birthday. I didnt cry at the funeral but in the hospital a few days before he passed i just broke down and let it all out. Its actually bringing a tear to my eyes now thinking about it. I still get really emotional about it now to myself but no one ever sees because I choose to let it out when alone.

My little brother who was born in 1998 use to say he remembered Shandy who was killed in 1997. We dont worry about it as he grew out of it. I still look at things and think of what dad would say or do. I feel he looks over me alot. OK enough from me Im tearing up

[F6T]

I hear what you are saying HLC, but grief certainly is an unusual thing and effects many people differently. Would you rather indifference from these people?

Another thing is too, is that a persons own personal experiences have an effect on the news and tragedies that they hear about.

Years ago when I heard news stories about children being taken from their parents on account of illness, abduction etc or abuse, or dying from hunger in underdeveloped countries - whilst I would feel sorry for those affected it would basically pass without much further thought until the next story or until I flicked onto the Simpsons. I would do nothing more really.

Now, after having a child of my own, I can't bear to hear about these stories. Some of the stories coming out of the QLD floods with parents losing their kids evokes a much more powerful response from me because I find myself sympathising on a whole new plane of understanding. I have wept privately even though I have no association with them or knew them personally. I have become much more active in terms of my own charitability and being a part of something that makes a difference particularly with youths/children.

If someone down the street from me lost a child or son or daughter in a car accident and they were not that well known to me and I didn't feel comfortable/confident enough to approach them directly and say something one-on-one I would probably still feel compelled to 'be there' even on the periphery to let them know indirectly even, that I care what happens and thereby offer some support, no matter how token/small it may be.

Hope that makes sense.

[GK]

Originally Posted by F6T

I hear what you are saying HLC, but grief certainly is an unusual thing and effects many people differently. Would you rather indifference from these people?

Another thing is too, is that a persons own personal experiences have an effect on the news and tragedies that they hear about.

Years ago when I heard news stories about children being taken from their parents on account of illness, abduction etc or abuse, or dying from hunger in underdeveloped countries - whilst I would feel sorry for those affected it would basically pass without much further thought until the next story or until I flicked onto the Simpsons. I would do nothing more really.

Now, after having a child of my own, I can't bear to hear about these stories. Some of the stories coming out of the QLD floods with parents losing their kids evokes a much more powerful response from me because I find myself sympathising on a whole new plane of understanding. I have wept privately even though I have no association with them or knew them personally. I have become much more active in terms of my own charitability and being a part of something that makes a difference particularly with youths/children.

If someone down the street from me lost a child or son or daughter in a car accident and they were not that well known to me and I didn't feel comfortable/confident enough to approach them directly and say something one-on-one I would probably still feel compelled to 'be there' even on the periphery to let them know indirectly even, that I care what happens and thereby offer some support, no matter how token/small it may be.

Hope that makes sense.

Perfect sense!

GK

[HLC]

it does, and i don't mean to sound like an insensitive ******. I too have family in Brissy who were affected by the floods, but on the same token, in my line of work I was helping my QLD colleagues by ringing around as our DC got flooded. One of the guys we deliver too was more worried about his business than his house that he just lost, where were his kids going to sleep that night?

I understand what you are all saying about grief and it is strange, and I will be going thru some soon as a family member has been diagnosed with cancer. yes it sucks, and yes i know black saturday bushfires, and floods and terror attacks have many different effects on many different people, however there is a major difference between showing your respects and weeping than stroking your own ego and acting like a sibling/best to the injured/hurt/deceased when you didn't know her from a bar of soap, nor associate (or even want to associate) with her friends prior to their loss just to be a part of the hype- as sad as that is.

each to their own and I understand. It is strange and i dont mean to be off-putting to anyone.

[GT]

HLC - I agree completely but I think that unless you have been through it (from the perspective of losing someone in dramatic circumstances) others will find this difficult to understand. I know that you did not mean those who are empathising but those who take it to a whole new level and even go so far as to recreate the facts to a truth they eventually believe. I experienced this in 2008 and it was disgraceful, offensive and very distressing for me.

Well off topic but I just wanted to say publically that I understood what you meant.

To the OP - kids have a reverence/spitiuality that is generally lost with age and I marvel at what they know. Treasure this time as they are some of the best years.

Regards
GT

Originally Posted by HLC

it does, and i don't mean to sound like an insensitive ******. I too have family in Brissy who were affected by the floods, but on the same token, in my line of work I was helping my QLD colleagues by ringing around as our DC got flooded. One of the guys we deliver too was more worried about his business than his house that he just lost, where were his kids going to sleep that night?

I understand what you are all saying about grief and it is strange, and I will be going thru some soon as a family member has been diagnosed with cancer. yes it sucks, and yes i know black saturday bushfires, and floods and terror attacks have many different effects on many different people, however there is a major difference between showing your respects and weeping than stroking your own ego and acting like a sibling/best to the injured/hurt/deceased when you didn't know her from a bar of soap, nor associate (or even want to associate) with her friends prior to their loss just to be a part of the hype- as sad as that is.

each to their own and I understand. It is strange and i dont mean to be off-putting to anyone.

[Keepleft]

Originally Posted by HLC

- however there is a major difference between showing your respects and weeping than stroking your own ego and acting like a sibling/best to the injured/hurt/deceased when you didn't know her from a bar of soap, nor associate (or even want to associate) with her friends prior to their loss just to be a part of the hype- as sad as that is.

each to their own and I understand. It is strange and i dont mean to be off-putting to anyone.

Its a modern development, a today's information age thing. I notice "it", the behaviour, often within hours of a fatal car crash involving typically school age teens etc.

By way of "at the scene" floral and card displays, banners etc, - vehicle and motorbike "visits". A bloke recently had such a crash outside his property - he held a dying girl. Their teen peers and peer-interested folk would visit this scene - (a crash into tree).

They don't always get (or learn) the road safety message as evidence by 'poor parking - & positioning' of stopped vehicles, sometimes resulting in noise from urgent braking from other unexpecting road users; they stop at all hours of the day and night, don't think to have the hazards on while they walk around and gawk, cry, leave beers or simply to take a leak! (Such respect) Bloke fears he'll then have to attend another fatal outside his rural property. You then get social media impact and wildfire spreading of messages.

Mildly OT to OP's original I guess, might discuss this stuff elsewhere sometime:-

Mildly related to the observations so far re children, my 3yo has always picked up and held my grandmother and grandfathers 'together' b/w pic without prompt, each and every visit to my mums place, where that pic sits with multitudes of family, he's been singling it out since he could crawl - he finds it comforting. He does the same with wifie's nan's pic.

They know, I tell you. Read somewhere that many kids hold this special 'relationship' that releases over time as current life experiences come to the fore.

Personally convinced, life then physical death - is but one step - *not* the end, but must be lived.