Depression, still a huge problem

Filthy GT-P · 22-01-2006, 12:28 AM

I received some rather devastating news on Friday, that not only had a friend died in December, but that he had taken his own life.

I won't go into the whys and hows, but I am very upset at the circumstances left behind.

Two days before it happened he went to the local police station with a will downloaded from the internet. This also produced outcomes that have made a bad situation worse. I am aware that he was probably depressed and therefore not thinking clearly, but you should get professional advice before you produce a will. From my point of view as a Tax Agent a properly drafted will with competent people to administer it on your behalf will protect your beneficiaries as you would have wished if you named them in your will.

The whole thing upsets me terribly. I have so many emotions raging through my mind over the whole thing and it is very confusing. To confuse things even futher I am ecstatic that Useless was able to come through after a severe heart attack and I don't even know him. What and whom we now define as our family and friends change in ways that are hard to comprehend.

Useless you have been given a wounderful opportunity, use it for YOU. Life is a continual learning experience.

The one thing that does give me some strength is a loving family and some very good friends. Amazing thing is that it is now my birthday I want as many more as possible.

Regards

Steven

BA_BOSS · 22-01-2006, 05:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Filthy GT-P

I received some rather devastating news on Friday, that not only had a friend died in December, but that he had taken his own life.

I won't go into the whys and hows, but I am very upset at the circumstances left behind.

Two days before it happened he went to the local police station with a will downloaded from the internet. This also produced outcomes that have made a bad situation worse. I am aware that he was probably depressed and therefore not thinking clearly, but you should get professional advice before you produce a will. From my point of view as a Tax Agent a properly drafted will with competent people to administer it on your behalf will protect your beneficiaries as you would have wished if you named them in your will.

The whole thing upsets me terribly. I have so many emotions raging through my mind over the whole thing and it is very confusing. To confuse things even futher I am ecstatic that Useless was able to come through after a severe heart attack and I don't even know him. What and whom we now define as our family and friends change in ways that are hard to comprehend.

Useless you have been given a wounderful opportunity, use it for YOU. Life is a continual learning experience.

The one thing that does give me some strength is a loving family and some very good friends. Amazing thing is that it is now my birthday I want as many more as possible.

Regards

Steven

Mate it is always sad to lose someone close to you but unless I am missing the point here, your main grief seems to be around the poorly administered will.

I am guessing as details are sparce but it seems as if there are people not going to benefit as you believe they should.

Sorry about the friend "Useless" that you thought you knew but didn't really.

Filthy GT-P · 22-01-2006, 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BA_BOSS

Mate it is always sad to lose someone close to you but unless I am missing the point here, your main grief seems to be around the poorly administered will.

I am guessing as details are sparce but it seems as if there are people not going to benefit as you believe they should.

Sorry about the friend "Useless" that you thought you knew but didn't really.

My real ИИИИИ is that he did it. I do also have a problem with his will because it made a bad situation worse.

I have never spoken to or even chatted with Useless (site sponsor Stingray), his real lname is Stav. It was just that his situation is so far different from the one of my friend. I would rather rejoice in a life saved by someone I have not met than have to face the realities of a friend taking their own life.

Steven

max^power · 22-01-2006, 09:39 AM

i do not get why people want to take their own lives when life gets tough. just work through the problem and move on. medical reasons is possibly the only reason.. still not worth it as the medical condition *could* be fixed.

geting a will is a great idea, particularly if you have a few assets. i've been meaning to get one, you just never know when you're times up.

Filthy GT-P · 22-01-2006, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by au^ute

i do not get why people want to take their own lives when life gets tough. just work through the problem and move on. medical reasons is possibly the only reason.. still not worth it as the medical condition *could* be fixed.

geting a will is a great idea, particularly if you have a few assets. i've been meaning to get one, you just never know when you're times up.

The problem I believe is undiagnosed / untreated depression. You cannot force people to seek or have medical treatment. It is a hard one to call are you stessed or are you depressed.

Steven

22-01-2006, 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by au^ute

i do not get why people want to take their own lives when life gets tough. just work through the problem and move on. medical reasons is possibly the only reason.. still not worth it as the medical condition *could* be fixed.

Mate depression is an absolute ИИИИ of a thing and people who get severly depressed see the world is against them and that there is no way out. I am lucky not to have been deeply depressed, but i know what goes through the mind of people who do. My father has been suffering for a few years(lost his job because of it) plus a few others. Its not just an event that has happened that has made you sad, rather a mix of that and chemical change in the brain that stops neurons reaching your brain. This causes you to not think logically and just have a general feeling of emptiness.

The worst thing you can do to someone depressed is tell them off for being in that state. You see it as "Stop being depressed, it ИИИИes me off, get better", they see it as "He's angry at me for being depressed, he doesn't want me on this earth, i agree". If you know someone that is depressed, no matter what they say or act, be supportive, let them know your always there for them if he or she ever wants to talk and make sure you are there for them. An interesting fact for the "hardened" blokes out there, males are 4 times more likely to suicide from depression than female counterparts.

Finally I encourage everyone to spend some time at http://www.beyondblue.org.au/ to help better understand this illness. Knowledge is power.

Steven my condolences to your friend and their family.

max^power · 22-01-2006, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackLS

Steven my condolences to your friend and their family.

Yes, I should have said this in my first post. It would be terrible to have one of my friends do this, and i hope you can help his family come to terms with it.

BlackLS great info, i guess it's hard if it's never been experienced first hand, i understand what you're saying. I get moody sometimes too, but i'd never consider doing that! Sorry if i offended anyone with my temporary small mindedness.

I will check out the site, guess we never know when the info will come in handy.

gtfpv · 22-01-2006, 10:52 AM

if someone gets temporaraly depressed seek medical advice as it isnt always permanent. sometimes just a bad situation . you can take medication to get you through it and then come off it later . only with a doctors help though.

Bearman · 22-01-2006, 11:31 AM

For someone to believe that ending their life is the best option must be in a desperate state of mind.

I had a relative take their own life and I just can't get my head around it especially when he seemed to have so much going for him. The effect on his family was devastating. If only he got help.........

Yummy Mummy · 22-01-2006, 11:40 AM

I agree, depression is an illness that is so often mistreated. My 5 year old son suffered a small amount of depression late last year, however I had it diagnosed as being reactive to a certain situation. He is alot better now, although when situations arise regarding the original cause of it, he regresses quite dramatically, goes very quiet, becomes very lethargic etc.

Depression strikes people of all ages, and without help, it can manifest into a situation beyond control. I used to think that people who said they had depression could just 'snap out of it' if they really wanted to, and that it wasn't a true medical condition, but after witnessing my sons change of behaviours, I have realised it is very real, and very serious.

My condolences.
Chris.

Redrum · 22-01-2006, 11:51 AM

Depression is a huge problem and affects quite a large number of Australians to some degree. It is a killer just like stress. On Wednesday I attended a job where a 29 year old bloke had hung himself, depression seems to be the main factor. This is not the first time I have attended a suicide and nor the first time it appears to be caused by depression and sadly wont be the last. As it is only a few days the image of this bloke hanging still is fresh in my mind and the grief when I had to tell his loved ones hurts even more.

I am happy to see leaders in our community such as Jeff Kennet actively promote awareness for depression. I think the best thing is if you know someone who suffers from it and has made comments of self harm to get them help. They need professional help.

biomechanic · 23-01-2006, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redrum

Depression is a huge problem and affects quite a large number of Australians to some degree. It is a killer just like stress. On Wednesday I attended a job where a 29 year old bloke had hung himself, depression seems to be the main factor. This is not the first time I have attended a suicide and nor the first time it appears to be caused by depression and sadly wont be the last. As it is only a few days the image of this bloke hanging still is fresh in my mind and the grief when I had to tell his loved ones hurts even more.

I am happy to see leaders in our community such as Jeff Kennet actively promote awareness for depression. I think the best thing is if you know someone who suffers from it and has made comments of self harm to get them help. They need professional help.

Hear hear.

Ambos (I assume you're an ambo) are often overlooked when it comes to suicides (and a lot of other heinous crimes too). A neighbour was an ambo for 15 odd years, really sweet and gentle bloke, always had a smile on his face and enjoyed a laugh - about 10 years ago he attended a suicide of a 14 year old girl who shot herself in the head - since then he hasn't been able to work any kind of job, and is on anti-depressants.

I've suffered from depression since I was 12, and it's something that I'm sure I'll never be 100% free of. Some days are brilliant, others are average, others not so great - but they all have one thing in common. That feeling of dread in the back of your mind that it's going to hit you from out of nowhere, for no reason. It's like walking a tight rope.

I sought help last year (I'm 27), and it was the best thing I've ever done - I've watched too many friends who were on Xanax or other drugs who didn't improve, or even got worse - so I went to a psychologist instead. He was brilliant, very challenging. It's very hard to face up to some things that come up during therapy, but it's the massive psychic kick to the head that I needed. I recommended a friend, who was literally days away from taking her own life, go and see my psychologist - thankfully she's still here, and doing well. I hope she sticks with it.

I bleed ford · 22-01-2006, 11:59 AM

i know how much it sucks to see a friend do that to himself....i have personally had to cut down a friend who had hung himself....the killer factor with depression is that you don't always know people have got it till its too late....all you can do for your mates is stand by them and help them when you can...my apologies

falcon91 · 22-01-2006, 12:58 PM

This is a big thing for me, I've suffered from depression for a long time. I finally went to a Doctor about it about ten years ago. I have been on medication ever since, the medication doesn’t make you high or euphoric or anything, it just smooths out the high and low feelings to a more level balance.
Going from sitting in dark wardrobes for days on end crying my eyes out for no apparent reason to feeling quite good days later was stressful. Not only for me but my family as well.
Of course I got the "Just snap out of it you big girl" advice from a few people and if it was that easy I would have. It's a very strange feeling to describe to non sufferers, but as 1 in 4 Australians will suffer this illness at least once in their lives some people will know what I'm on about.
My advice to people out there who think they may be depressed for no apparent reason, SEE A DOCTOR ASAP!

If this helps just one person, It will have been worthwhile to put myself out there!

Van D · 23-01-2006, 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by falcon91

My advice to people out there who think they may be depressed for no apparent reason, SEE A DOCTOR ASAP!

Ay, I agree. And it *can* be a really good thing to talk to people. My best mates girlfriend suffered from it without really knowing (she knew she felt bad at times, but didn't know she actually suffered from the illness). I noticed one day she was looking glum at school and just started talking to her about everything and anything. We started talking about her feeling depressed and found out that we both felt like that at times (neither of us really knew). I told her it could be a good idea to see a doctor, which she did. She was diagnosed with depression and started doing lots of things to help herself out.
My point.. If your feeling down, talk to someone. And also, if you notice someone you know feeling down for whatever reason, talk to them.. and don't give them the 'grow up' or 'you'll get over it' attitude, it's really doesn't help most of the time

I find that the best thing to do anyway, even to at least feel a little better.. Though others may (which i'm sure they will) find other ways.

EDIT: BTW, beyondblue.org.au is a really helpfull site I think.

I bleed ford · 22-01-2006, 01:45 PM

good on you falcon91...i too hope others follow your example

max^power · 22-01-2006, 01:51 PM

I wouldn't handle seeing a body like that, then you have to tell the family!

conordec · 22-01-2006, 05:03 PM

i'm always on about wills to friends and family.
you just never know when your numbers up, and if mine comes early 'touch wood it doesn't' i just want to know that i have done everything right for the ones left behind (mrs and kid).

it's just an extra headache ontop of somebody passing that grieving family members don't need.

MotherNatureVer2 · 22-01-2006, 05:53 PM

Like falcon91 I too suffer from depression. I have been to councillors and felt that wernt able to help me at all. Then I battled it on my own for a long long time until a very, very wise friend of mine finally got me to admit my problem.

I do know the reasons for my depression and now have a hugly supportive partner to help me through the low times. I consider myself to be one of the lucky ones. I have been to hell and back but can now see a light almost at the end of the tunnel so to speak ..... yes falcon91 I can completly understand where you are comming from.

Steven, please be assured our thoughts are with you and your mates family at this time.

Blue Oval Mopar Man · 22-01-2006, 06:11 PM

I am a little confused as to why he would take his will to the police , and why didnt the police see that somethink wasnt right here ?

I know they have a hard job to do but someone bringing their will to a police station would ring some bells in my head !

Most people thinking of suicide are realy just crying out for help! Or even just for someone to see them .Its not just attention seeking, its more that they feel important enough that some one cares enough about them to take the time to help! For some reason, a complete stranger , is usually who they seek attention from , as they already feel unimportant to their friends !

Filthy GT-P · 22-01-2006, 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue Oval Mopar Man

I am a little confused as to why he would take his will to the police , and why didnt the police see that somethink wasnt right here ?

I know they have a hard job to do but someone bringing their will to a police station would ring some bells in my head !

Most people thinking of suicide are realy just crying out for help! Or even just for someone to see them .Its not just attention seeking, its more that they feel important enough that some one cares enough about them to take the time to help! For some reason, a complete stranger , is usually who they seek attention from , as they already feel unimportant to their friends !

Police are able to witness many forms of legal documentation. It is reasonably common for people to ask a police officer to witness a document. My understanding is that the witnesses to the signatures on the will must not be a beneficiary or the executor. I think the police have a huge job already without having to question the mental state of any person asking them to witness a document.

In my line of work I am also able to witness certain legal documents incuding wills and certain Statutory Declarations. I have no medical training and I don't know that I would be able to check a person's mental state before I witnessed their signature.

Steven

rodderz · 22-01-2006, 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MotherNature

Like falcon91 I too suffer from depression. I have been to councillors and felt that wernt able to help me at all. Then I battled it on my own for a long long time until a very, very wise friend of mine finally got me to admit my problem.

I do know the reasons for my depression and now have a hugly supportive partner to help me through the low times. I consider myself to be one of the lucky ones. I have been to hell and back but can now see a light almost at the end of the tunnel so to speak ..... yes falcon91 I can completly understand where you are comming from.

Steven, please be assured our thoughts are with you and your mates family at this time.

Lisa the amount of crap you've been put through in the last few years would be pretty close to hell as you can get, and it's a credit to you pulling through it and keep on keeping on!

xe351 · 22-01-2006, 10:57 PM

Sadly its a problem thats here to stay. The more people who know about and understand it the better and realise its not just something you can snap out of.

**ebxr8240** · 22-01-2006, 11:45 PM

Good thread! Talking about this I guess is the start of healing...
Blokes don't generally bring this sort of thing up. But they should..
Is the world just getting faster / too fast for us mere humans??

**Captain Stubing** · 23-01-2006, 12:33 AM

Things can seem like a mountain to get over, to someone suffering depression. It might just need a friend, or even a stranger to say the right encouraging words, or point out the light at the end of the tunnel...

Most of the time, the person suffering will pull back from outside help, maybe wanting to "do it themselves", or even 'enjoying' their own misery.

Depression is not an easy condition to understand, or even diagnose.

EA2BA · 23-01-2006, 11:07 AM

Depression is something I think I will never understand.
I always look at a bright side to a situation, in that it could have been worse, i know this is of know help to those you suffer depression, but wanted to add my comments.

23-01-2006, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EA2BA

Depression is something I think I will never understand.
I always look at a bright side to a situation, in that it could have been worse, i know this is of know help to those you suffer depression, but wanted to add my comments.

I'm much the same, but we have to remember its an illness. some people get sick like colds, flus, headaches etc fairly regularly, some people can go years without ever having to visit the quack.

I'd try to learn as much about depression as you can, not only as a safe guard if you fall in, but in the case of a friend or family that may be showing warning signs, you can identify them and respond to it.

Beyond Blue

Van D · 23-01-2006, 10:31 PM

For people who don't understand depression, that's fine.. Just don't degrade people who have commited and suffered from depression by saying it's the easy way out etc.

If you don't suffer from it, you have absolutely no idea what it can be like. It's like you can't control yourself or think straight at all at times. It is annoying how there's many 'poser' and 'emo' kids who take this depression/suicide thing as a way to get attention etc, as IMO it puts a bad view on depression from many people.

I always 'look on the bright side of life', but when depression hits, it's like there's nothing you can do. I've found having steady and strong relations with a close few people helps, and if need be, counceling.

Other than that, continue with discussion

RAREV8 · 23-01-2006, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by popinfresh

For people who don't understand depression, that's fine.. Just don't degrade people who have commited and suffered from depression by saying it's the easy way out etc.

If you don't suffer from it, you have absolutely no idea what it can be like. It's like you can't control yourself or think straight at all at times. It is annoying how there's many 'poser' and 'emo' kids who take this depression/suicide thing as a way to get attention etc, as IMO it puts a bad view on depression from many people.

I always 'look on the bright side of life', but when depression hits, it's like there's nothing you can do. I've found having steady and strong relations with a close few people helps, and if need be, counceling.

Other than that, continue with discussion

I'm not sure who you were getting at- if it was my comment regarding the use of drugs as a cure, I understand only too well and have seen some nasty experiences. Like Mothernature said, just because something doesnt work for one doesnt necessarily work for another.
But....too often doctors throw anti-depressants at theillness and dont stop to try and find the cause. Often there is a trigger and often you would never think about it!
All I recommend is seeing as many people as you can, I went to loads of doctors before I found one who went down all the right tracks, seeking specialist opinions before doing anything.
Drugs should be used as part of the treatment process-its not the easy way out for sufferers but it can be the easy way out for less caring/knowledgeable practitioners, this I found out first hand.
No, my depression isnt too bad and this is what I mentioned before. Panic and anxiety was the worst part for me but this breeds fairly heavy depression.

I hope I havent aided to confuse, just trying to clear up!!

:

Van D · 23-01-2006, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scottishxc

I'm not sure who you were getting at- if it was my comment regarding the use of drugs as a cure, I understand only too well and have seen some nasty experiences. Like Mothernature said, just because something doesnt work for one doesnt necessarily work for another.
But....too often doctors throw anti-depressants at theillness and dont stop to try and find the cause. Often there is a trigger and often you would never think about it!
All I recommend is seeing as many people as you can, I went to loads of doctors before I found one who went down all the right tracks, seeking specialist opinions before doing anything.
Drugs should be used as part of the treatment process-its not the easy way out for sufferers but it can be the easy way out for less caring/knowledgeable practitioners, this I found out first hand.
No, my depression isnt too bad and this is what I mentioned before. Panic and anxiety was the worst part for me but this breeds fairly heavy depression.

I hope I havent aided to confuse, just trying to clear up!!

:

Oops, my comment wasn't directed to you, just people in general, sorry about that.

My girlfriends step dad is a stubborn dutch sort of guy (I'm half dutch, so I know what i'm saying) and as he doesn't know that I suffer from it, often makes comments about how people who commit and suffer from depression are just sooks or taking the easy way out.. And he says it in a way that says 'I am all knowing, and am not wrong' etc. That's what I was on about.

I also should have stated this above.. But yeah, going to a doctor can be good to discuss and learn about the illness, but try not to take the drugs (too many doctors out there are pill happy people) thinking it's the only way out, because as mentioned it's not.

I hope I didn't confuse anyone further :p