saturday sillies

[Dodge]

A guy walks into a bar with an crocidile and to the amazement of onlookers picks the gator up and sets it on the bar. After looking around for a few moments the guy says, "Is there anyone who will buy me a drink if I can put my genitals inside the crocidiles mouth for one minute?" Curious customers say sure so the guy grabs a beer bottle, swigs it back, then knocks the croc over the head with it. After putting his genitals in the gaping mouth for a minute the crowd gives him a round of applause. When it quiets down the guy speaks up again, "Is there anyone here who would like to try?"

After a few moments of awkward silence a blond in the back raises her hand so the guy calls her up.

When the blond gets up to the front she says, "Okay, but you have to promise me one thing... don't hit me on the head with that bottle!"

[Dodge]

Too Smart for 1st Grade
A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Little Johnny what is your problem?"



Little Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"



The teacher had enough. She took Little Johnny to the principal's office. While Little Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher

explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Little Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained tohim and he agreed to take the test.



Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"



Little Johnny: "9"



Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"



Little Johnny: "36"



And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Little Johnny can go to the third-grade."



The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"



The principal and Little Johnny both agree.



Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?



Little Johnny: "Legs"



Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" (The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)



Little Johnny: "Pockets"



Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"



Little Johnny: "Pants"



Teacher: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...)



Little Johnny: "Coconut"



Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"



Little Johnny: "Bubblegum"



Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...)



Little Johnny: "Shake hands"



Teacher: "Now I will ask some '"Who am I" sort of questions, okay?"





Little Johnny: "Yup"



Teacher: you blow me, you feel good"



Little Johnny: "Nose"



Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver"



Little Johnny: "Arrow"



Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?"



Little Johnny: "Firetruck"



The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put his *** in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself

[Yaw]

Don't know if its just the bourbon talking tonight.
But you a funny man Dodge :hihi:

[Yaw]

ok I got one too.

A sales man is out in a country town in his new Ford XR8.

He comes to an intersection that has a stop sign, he slows and looks left and right, sees nothing for at least a klm either side and continues through.

Sure enough on the other side of the intersection a cop pulls him over for failing to stop.

The cop comes over and talks to the sales man through his window and explains why he pulled him up by stating "sir you failed to stop at the stop sign. Was there any reason you failed to do so?"

The salesman replies and says "I slowed right down and saw nothing comming for ages and procceded with caution."

The Cop says once again, "Sir you failed to stop at the stop sign, can you give me a valid reason sir?"

The sales man says, "whats the difference mate? I slowed right down and saw it was clear and procceded with caution. "

To this the cop starts writing up a ticket.

The salesman says "explain to me why your writing me a ticket.....THERE WAS NOTHING COMMING, THERE WAS NO DANGER!!!!!!!!"

The cop says "I'll do better than that, I'll show you the difference!"

The cop opens the guys door and drags him out onto the ground and starts layinging into the salesman with his batton.

The cop after a few minutes asks the guy: "sir, would you like me to slow down or come to a complete stop?"


LOL

[Captain Stubing]

Yaw, I'll pay that one! That's one of the best "Give an example of..." that I've seen!