mind numbing, suicide inducing co-workers

[drcook]

ok.

i have a workmate.......no, scratch that.
i have a co-worker. to keep his identity a secret we will call him.....ian.

now i have had the 'pleasure' of working in the same office as ian for the last four years and it has to be said i, with some other collegues, are getting a bit tired of him.

tired as in wanting to kill him, or wanting kill ourselves if necessary.

now ian isn't 'outrageously' annoying, like listening to crap music at high volume or getting into fisty fights with anyone, for the most part he stays to himself quietly in the corner of the office, but when you do have to converse with him you just cant block your secret fantasies of smashing his face in with the stapler sitting on his desk.

first of all, he's the boss' pet. or wants to be. the ultimate 'yes-man'. You can actually see the brown smudge on the end of nose from spending so much time up one of the darker crevasses of my boss body. he laughs at things that arent funny or supports any idea of the boss no matter how crazy it might be (and my boss knows this and cant stop laughing about it).

now im at the same level as him in the company, but we control different areas of the business, so we give each other instructions, but everytime i need him to do something he feels the need to tell me every little, tiny, mind numbing detail of how his day is panning out and how thats going to effect the instructions that i just gave him, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH......

i just need a yes or a no. not a sleeping sedative.

he is also the biggest intruder into everyone details. he's been caught reading other peoples emails, checking to see what time people have gone home from work, 'accidentally' overhearing conversations (then telling the boss in intricate detail). i was sick from work once, so my fiance jenny took my car to work. ian saw my car on the way to work, then apon getting to work learnt i was sick, so rang my boss (who was on holidays and didnt care) to inform him i wasnt at work. my boss then rang me to find out the story. (and realised immediately that i was actually sick)

he comes over to chat to me (unfortunately we both like v8 supercars, i love ford, you can guess which opposing manufacturer he supports) and feels the need to start and then continue a conversaton with me even though im not replying to him, not looking at him, speaking to someone else or ringing my work phone from my mobile so i can answer myself and pretend to become involved in an improtant phone call...(deep breath)...to which he just stands there, waiting for my phone call to finish, so he can continue on with his verbal spew.

he shits me.

annoying co-workers. feel free to vent.