How do you handle a break up?

[gozza]

i didn't deal with the last break up...which was 5 yrs ago ...i grabbed half a dozen terracotter tiles and smashed them with my head

[Bucket]

:lookedat:

Originally Posted by gozza

i didn't deal with the last break up...which was 5 yrs ago ...i grabbed half a dozen terracotter tiles and smashed them with my head

:

[gozza]

i meant when it was ended...thats how i dealt with it lol

[Outbackjack]

Originally Posted by Bucket

Well, we've had annother conversation- its over. For the moment anyway..neither of us are ready for other people yet either..she just wanted to be single again...probably felt like i was an anchor or something. Anyway- i told her im not going to talk to her for a while, just to help me move on...i gave a lot for her and it's going to take some time for me to be able to get over her.
Thanks again for all your advice...i know each of you have had your own experience but im glad this didnt end bitterly. We will stay in touch.

Now its time for some :baby bott :sm_headba hehe

I was wondering how you were getting on Dude..... the drinkies can be good. But think seriously about some ego lifting LBFM's. Take a holiday and enjoy yourself. Have some YOU time. You'll be a changed man... :

All the best.

[Bucket]

Originally Posted by Outbackjack

I was wondering how you were getting on Dude..... the drinkies can be good. But think seriously about some ego lifting LBFM's. Take a holiday and enjoy yourself. Have some YOU time. You'll be a changed man... :

All the best.

Cheers man, i will try...her memories are still fresh in my head so it'll be hard. I've asked her not to talk to me for the time being, just to make things easier for me.

[xurbanx]

From my experience, after my ex called it quits with me (about 2.5 years ago), I accepted it and moved on, it wasn't until about 3 months later that she called and wanted to rekindle the friendship. Unknowingly I accepted and from then up till March this year we were "close" (none of that ;) just the close friend) friends. It would never work out, I felt like by having her as my friend after our relationship she was stopping me from moving on.

After she told one of my friends that "None of my close friends have girlfriends" and she would "break up" the friendship if the guy had a girlfriend. I decided that it was time to let her go and as soon as I let go, I found a girl thats 100 times better than her in every aspect and I couldnt be any happier.

My point is that it's hard being friends after a breakup, it makes things awkward and (in my situation) I had this hope that we would get back together. Boy it took me 2.5 years to realise I made a HUGE mistake.

But other than that, I wish you luck and hope you get through this Bucket.

don't want to offend or generalise, but women pffft fickle ;)
oops (sorry some are, no one on here is!) ;)

i think you have handled it incredibly well, and sounds like you have got the truth in so far as, you have not been told one thing, and then found out another. that is what kills your soul..

i fail to understand why women can't be honest, goes for males as well, but I am male so speaking from my perspective. whats so hard in breaking up with someone honesty, why decive, lie? there is nothiing worst in my books than lies, you lose respect for that person (and I don't care what the excuse is)... there is none.

[42.57lb]

Hey Guys, been outta the forum for a while.

Bucket, oddly enough I've been outta the forums because I had a major life change not unlike yourself, my ex and I decided the time had come. Admittedly it is different when the talk comes from one side of the equation, but I think the principal is the same.

Here's a really brief version, of a REALLY LONG story, that has basically shaped my opinion of love, relationships and how I personally deal with them:

2003: met the girl of my dreams, two years older than me, split up with my then g.f cause I realised I didn't love her anymore.

2003-2004: Chased said target for 18 ,months, yes, that's correct 18 months. Finally got it together with her, albeit with the knowledge that she was leaving for Europe in 3 months.

MID2004: Had THE BEST TIME of my life (until then) with the girl for 3 months and went and decided I would follow her to Europe
Late 2004: Phoned girl, knew from her tone it was over, went to Europe anyways. Met her, found out that while she told me she loved me, she was now in fact a lesbian with a German tatooist (sad really, I like tattoos....)

My 21st B/day 2004: Told said girl I would never want to see/hear/smell/feel presence of girl again

Early 2005: Met Swedish girl, fell in love, brought back to Australia

Early 2006: Fairytale ended (mutual agreeance that it was not the "right thing")

Present: Met a girl, who makes me happier than I've ever been... Who is leaving for South America in 5 months... This time I'm not following.


THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
Love isn't a feeling, love is a word (Thank you Wachowski brothers). A feeling is chemicals in your brain. They are the best and they are the most devestating things in the world. I firmly believe there is more than one person in the world that you could potentially spend the entirity of your life with and be happy. Evidence you say? Move to another country? Move to another town? nature will take it's course, attraction occurs between humans no matter the circumstances, take work for example, how many people can say they have never had an attraction to a collegue of the opposite sex (or whatever to be PC). Interestingly enough there is a theory that attraction is based on complementary genetics. The reason your partner doesn't make you wretch when they are a bt smelly from sweat? They probably have complementary genes.

it will work out for you bucket. There are so many here who have been through situations similar to yours.

Was it Des're that said "Life... Oh life..." hehehehe

[DOC]

Originally Posted by 42.57lb

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
Love isn't a feeling, love is a word (Thank you Wachowski brothers). A feeling is chemicals in your brain.

A good read, but one question ? , what word do you use to describe Love isn't a feeling, love is a word A feeling is chemicals in your brain ? Love ? then how do we get Love isn't a feeling

Would it be that the word Love is used to describe that feeling ?

anyway late at night and time for a kip, nothing personal, just interesting comments you made

Bucket, i have read your post's and i might be wrong but an older head tells me that it's over lock stock n barrel, now it's probably hard for you to deal with as everyone wants to be loved, feel wanted , appreciated amongst other natural feeling we desire / crave.

The first thing i see is you need to find something about yourself first, appreciate who you are, what talents you have, what you can give to others and focus on these positives, you are a good person. At the moment by dwelling on the past your not doing your self or any one around you any favours.

[42.57lb]

Originally Posted by DOC

A good read, but one question ? , what word do you use to describe Love isn't a feeling, love is a word A feeling is chemicals in your brain ? Love ? then how do we get Love isn't a feeling

Would it be that the word Love is used to describe that feeling ?

anyway late at night and time for a kip, nothing personal, just interesting comments you made

Hey Doc!

Yeah, sorry, read through that and realised it was a pretty average explanation. You would need to be a geek, (like myself) to get the matrix reference.

The point I was trying to make is that it is my opinion that love isn't something that grabs you and shakes you and says "this is it! this is the last time and the last person you are ever going to feel like this about" - that's all.

Maybe I'm just jadeD?

Also:

I just realised that i didn't answer the thread title. How rude.

I handle a break up by going out, having tequila shots (suicide shots after the first couple) and getting so drunk I vomit. Then I realise I'm being a sad weener and this is what I did last time my "heart" was broken.

[DOC]

Originally Posted by 42.57lb

Hey Doc!
Yeah, sorry, read through that and realised it was a pretty average explanation. You would need to be a geek, (like myself) to get the matrix reference.
The point I was trying to make is that it is my opinion that love isn't something that grabs you and shakes you and says "this is it! this is the last time and the last person you are ever going to feel like this about" - that's all.
Maybe I'm just jadeD?

To early in the morning for cryptic matrix tests LOL, all is cool mate. :

[ltd]

Originally Posted by ED turbo (mickmalta)

By letting her know that you are devistated, it gives her a sense of control and that she can make you come and go as she pleases.

She broke it off, so ignore her, dont show her any emotion (sounds harsh but it works!!) and just act casual in your dealings with her.

Best post yet.

The strength of a womans interest is inversely proportional to her acceptance. This means, the less a guy is interested with a woman, the harder she will try to make him interested. The more a guy is interested, the less she is. It's simple logic. Women looking for their ideal partner want someone strong, someone who can stand up for them. So show her how strong you are. (even if it tears you up inside).

If you let her know how upset you are either through mutual friends or telling her, you will scare her away as she can have you any time she wants......and girls don't respect that. Girls like a little challenge in the relationship; that's why emo's always finish last and end up in prison.

Don't become a drunk, don't do anything out of the ordinary and when she sees that you have gotten on with your life the lack of the power she once had over you will entice her back (that's if she was genuine in her speech).
If she doesn't want you back then you've already moved on, so it's win win.


Be strong man, and remember the age old advice:
"Treat em mean; keep em keen".

[Bucket]

Was just going through my old threads and dug this one up...

9 Months on and It's such a distant memory to me now...almost feels like she wasnt part of my life. A good thing i guess.
I took the..."dont let her hold it over you advice" like LTD and a few others suggested.Went on business as usual Worked a treat for me. She calls me from time to time to see how I am...i never call her.
Just wanted to thank you all for your advice- it helped me get through it...almost ready to get back on the horse

[Jesk]

Originally Posted by Bucket

Was just going through my old threads and dug this one up...

9 Months on and It's such a distant memory to me now...almost feels like she wasnt part of my life. A good thing i guess.
I took the..."dont let her hold it over you advice" like LTD and a few others suggested.Went on business as usual Worked a treat for me. She calls me from time to time to see how I am...i never call her.
Just wanted to thank you all for your advice- it helped me get through it...almost ready to get back on the horse

Hey I'm glad you dug it up for my sake, I'm 9months out of a marriage breaking up and the first 7months I have been trying to get back together and ya know what I think she liked having me as the piggy bank, and about 2 months ago I saw the light at what she was doing to me and I'm trying to work on it and drag my life back together but damn it is hard so there is some good advice there but I'm a little beyond that in the actions. But I my heart even though I know how much I love her still, cos I meant the vows of til death do us part and I just don't know what to do with my self :gren:

[Gunns]

She said "you will have to prise that ring off my cold dead hands."
Even then it was fu(ken hard!

[GXL078]

I find this guy has some useful advice:
http://www.drphil.com/plugger/respond/?plugID=9163

[Bucket]

Originally Posted by Jesk

Hey I'm glad you dug it up for my sake, I'm 9months out of a marriage breaking up and the first 7months I have been trying to get back together and ya know what I think she liked having me as the piggy bank, and about 2 months ago I saw the light at what she was doing to me and I'm trying to work on it and drag my life back together but damn it is hard so there is some good advice there but I'm a little beyond that in the actions. But I my heart even though I know how much I love her still, cos I meant the vows of til death do us part and I just don't know what to do with my self :gren:

Well...thats kind of comparing Apples to Oranges mate...
I had a girlfriend for one year that screwed me over...you had a wife that did the same thing. Same principal i know but you two said forever.
I suppose even though that didnt happen...you're heart was in the right place...hers..maybe annother story..
All you can do is try and carry on life as usual, get up go to work...try something like the gym...do the things that marriage didnt really give you time to do and try and enjoy the fact that you're still alive and have the opportunity to find someone again eventually (if thats what you want to do). I gave up everything I knew and had for my Ex. The papers werent signed but my heart was there though I still cant understand in full what you're going through.

[xwgasaxe]

I trust your beer consumption with mates talking about cars and sport has been high up on your list of priorities in this last nine months.

[Bucket]

Originally Posted by xwgasaxe

I trust your beer consumption with mates talking about cars and sport has been high up on your list of priorities in this last nine months.

It should be

[ntguy]

Going to get flamed I know.

Mate wouldnt worry bout it, get a ticket to Thailand or Philippines. Your perspective on women will change big time.

You will see them for the commodity they are. There a dime a dozen.

Am I bitter?? Yes I am I have gone through 2 failed marriages, I know it takes two etc. However the law in Oz is a A**. I married a women who came to me with nothing, 3 years later she leaves with 500K plus job I had got for her etc etc.
Never again for that sort of money I can drink and ****** myself to death with some 18 to 30 yo in asia. With out the fear of working my A off for someone to take it off me.

[Ridin-High]

Bucket mate, big props eh.... i went through basically the same thing as you....

I was in a relationship for 3yrs and the girl broke it off with me for another guy.... but you know what... best thing that ever happened to me period. I got off my *** and got a job, banged about 12 different chicks in the last year <3

[Bucket]

Originally Posted by Zh-Fairlane

Bucket mate, big props eh.... i went through basically the same thing as you....

I was in a relationship for 3yrs and the girl broke it off with me for another guy.... but you know what... best thing that ever happened to me period. I got off my *** and got a job, banged about 12 different chicks in the last year <3

:hihi: Yes, single life certainly has it's pro's! It worth investing time in the woman if she's worth it...otherwise you just blowing time and cash out the window

[GXL078]

Originally Posted by Bucket

:hihi: Yes, single life certainly has it's pro's! It worth investing time in the woman if she's worth it...otherwise you just blowing time and cash out the window

"Why buy the book when there's a thriving lending library in the town" Benny Hill.

"Why buy the cow when I can get my milk from the front fence" Elvis Presley

[photn]

ive been in a relationship for just about 2 years. (in aprl) my question to those or you is, how do you know which one is the right one?. like she is my first gf. met her in yr12. been going out since.

Im just afraid that i got the Disease of 1GINA already.......

i thank my ex every day (not literally) for dumping me because i went to my first V8supercar race ever after that (he wasnt a fan)! Used to watch it on tv but on the advice of people to go out and try something new, I went to Sandown and have been going to about 7 races a year ever since!

[Bucket]

Originally Posted by photn

ive been in a relationship for just about 2 years. (in aprl) my question to those or you is, how do you know which one is the right one?. like she is my first gf. met her in yr12. been going out since.

Im just afraid that i got the Disease of 1GINA already.......

If you've been with her that long and things are sweet, im guessing you've indirectly answered your own question

[photn]

hmmm i, just worried im missing out on something. mind you she wants to settle by 23 and children by 25. thats the bit that scares me.

[5tumpy]

Photn,

Know exactly how you feel mate, I nearly broke up with my fiance recently, for almost the exact same reasons, 1st gf, been together 5 years, all that, my brother is 19, started spending a lot of time with him and his mates, clubbing etc, started wondering if I was missing out... Bottom line was, when I told her how I felt and she went to leave, I couldn't let her walk out the front door.


You just know, in your heart of hearts, when it's time to get out. I wouldn't be doing anything rash mate, if you're happy, that's the most important thing...

[Kenster]

hey mate sorry to hear about the break up all i can say its go out with your mates and have fun whether from drinking to going out cruising. Just have a blast and most of all just enjoy been single

[XRated]

Originally Posted by 5tumpy

You just know, in your heart of hearts, when it's time to get out. I wouldn't be doing anything rash mate, if you're happy, that's the most important thing...

Spot on mate, spot on.