Favourite Simpsons quotes.

[DJM83]

hahaha this thread will go on for ever

[DJM83]

Marge- ' work called they said if you dont come to work today, dont bother coming on monday
Homer- woohoo 4 day weekend

[RIPGMH]

Simpsons trying to save money

Homer: What are you going to do boy?

Bart: I'll start smoking, then I'll give up

Homer: Good for you boy, giving up smoking is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, here have a dollar

Lisa: But he didn't do anything!!

Homer: Didn't he lisa?...Didn't he?

[bArNsY]

help me jebus

[Boss 260 Ute]

Originally Posted by bArNsY

help me jebus

I think it's actually save me but still awesome quote...

[mosman69]

At the dinner table
Bart: Lisa Im going to dance on your grave
Marge: BART!!!!!!
Bart: Oh right sorry napkin

__________________________________________________ ___

Flashback to when bart was a little kid

Homer: I got your nooooose....
Bart: I got your wallet
runs down to the toilet and flushes it
Homer: D'oh

__________________________________________________ ___

Smithers' welcome message as he turns on the computer

computer: hello smithers you are very good at turning me on
with Mr burns in the background doing some really weird stuff
lol

__________________________________________________ _

thats all for now, will be bakc with more goodies!!!

[mosman69]

Originally Posted by bArNsY

help me jebus

but i dont even believe in jebus!!!!

[Sloth]

Barney watching Homer in the boxing ring:

"Wow, you'd never get me into the ring, boxing causes brain damage" - Then he tilts his head back and starts drinking a can of Varnish.

[AshMan]

Marge : "Oooh, the house number is spelt out in letters"
Homer : "From now on, we'll be spelling everything with letters"

[EBFalcs]

dunno if anyones done this yet as i haven't read the whole lot.

Cheif wiggum: fat tony, do you know anything about a truck full of ciggaretes being
stolen? (something like that anyway).

Fat tony: What's a truck?

[AshMan]

Same episode :

Homer : "I was bought up in front of the TV and I turned out TV"

Ned Flanders : "They sit over there, staring at that Hollywood Hogwash"
Homer : "Of course our favourite show was Hollywood Hogwash"

[xr8chick]

Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room.

[Outbackjack]

Originally Posted by xr8chick

Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room.

One of the best!!! Thanks for taking the time to post it.....

[au^dude]

Homer: Cant get enough of that sugar crisp
Homer: Your a stupid head
Homer: Save me jebus
Homer: Guess i forgot to put the fog lights in

[[Tonko]]

bart as a little boy: Homer!
homer: no its daddy
Bart : homer
homer : da--ddy
Bart : da-da-domer
homer : Why you little!!!

and a good one from Futurama:
Professor: Gather round everyone, in this mini sarcophagus (sp?) should be an emperor that ruled (somewhere) 5 million years ago,
Fry walks in eating the mummy: mmm, great jerky professor,
*everyone cringes*
Professor: DAMN IT FRY! i was going to eat that mummy!

Family guy one:
Lois's aunt dies at the griffins place...
Lois "omigod shes dead!
peter: whoa, be careful what you wish for aye, lois
****same episode****
Her aunt reading her will on camera
"Lois, i always knew youd marry a nice good looking wealthy man, sadly i was wrong"
peter (bluntly): And now your dead ...*whispers* score one for peter

hmm, i might go watch my family guy dvd's

[Chrispy]

Bart- "I didn't think it humanly possible, but this both sucks and blows"

Marge- "Do you drink alone"
Homer- "does the lord count as a person"

Cletus- "That reminds me, I should call ma, HEY MA, GET OFF THE DANGGED ROOF"

Lisa and Bart- "are we there yet"
Chrispy

[ltd]

In the air show episode where marge is complaining of having a headache homer comes back to his seat with:
"Marge, they didn't have any aspirin so I got you a packet of cigarettes".
Mono - Doh

When Homer goes home promoted because he laughed at Mr Burns' jokes;
Homer: Well I got promoted to Vice President all because of yes I cannibis.........Huh, we have a kitchen?

[Hardtopxb]

In the episode( I think) where Homer has lost part of his brain..Why I laugh?.

[au^dude]

Homer, Homer Simpson his the greatest guy in history, from the town of Springfield his about to hit a chestnut tree..... AARRRHH

They just plain sucked, I've seen teams suck before but they were the suckies bunch of sucks that ever sucked

[xr8chick]

Originally Posted by Outbackjack

One of the best!!! Thanks for taking the time to post it.....

Lol. Your welcome! :

[xr8chick]

Haha, found another good one, my cousin watches all of the episodes so i get the quotes off of him:

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

Grandpa: Now where's my card. Ok, I'm an elk, a communist, the president of the gay and lesbian comittee for some reason, oh here it is. The Stone cutters.
Homer: Yes thank you dad. Lets go!.... I'll take this communist one too!

[Bossxr8]

Homer- And the next thing you know, you're putting your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friends face, then you'll know its China town.

Homer after he gets his job at the Powerplant- I start tommorow but i'm going shopping for a new wedding ring, someone will cover for me.

[chich]

One of my absolute favourites would have to be when the Simpons go to Brazil to save the little orphan boy and Homer gets kidnapped.

Kidnapper: If your family want to see you again it would be wise to pay.
Homer: Ohhh, i dunno they've been seeing me for free for a long time now.

Then Homer calls Moe for the $50K ransom money..

Homer: Hello Moe, I need to borrow 50 grand.
Moe: I was gonna call you to ask for 50 grand.
Homer: Oh alright, i'll lend you 50 grand.
Homer: Hello Flanders, i need 100 grand.

HAHAHAHA... love it

[Falcon Freak]

Rainier Wolfcastle: My new movie is me, standing in front of a brick wall for 90 minutes. It cost 80 million dollars to make.
Jay Sherman: How do you sleep at night?
Rainier Wolfcastle: On top of a pile of money, with many beautiful women.

Director: Up and atom!
McBain: Up and at them.
Director: Up and ATOM!
McBain: Up and atdem!
Director: UP AND ATOM!
McBain: UP AND ATEM!
Director: .. Better.

Rainier Wolfcastle: I have purchased the Springfield YMCA. I plan to tear it down and turn the land into a nature preserve. There, I will hunt the deadliest game of all... man

Rainier Wolfcastle: Someone please, give me a job. I lowered my quote to $8 million. I do nude scene, I play nerd. Don't make me punch your throat!

Rainier Wolfcastle: Maria, my mighty heart is breaking. I'll be in the Humvee

FF

[JG3282]

Hmmm my specialty area. If parenthood has given me anything, it is more time spent in fron of the idiot box. So here's some of my favourites

Homer: From now on, there are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
Bart: Isn't that just the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but faster!

Trent: [walking up] The man knows what he likes.
Homer: Just taking care of business.
Trent: If you don't, who will, huh? Trent Steele.
Homer: Homer Si ... uh, Max Power.
Trent: Oh, hey! Great name!
Homer: Yeah, isn't it? I got it off a hair dryer.
Trent: [laughs] I like a man who can poke fun at himself. [looks at his watch] Ooh, hey, my one o'clock cancelled. Eh, you had any lunch?
Homer: Yeah, but I usually have three or four.
Trent: So where to eat? You like Thai?
Homer: Tie good. You like shirt?

Homer: Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called ... "The Bus That Couldnt Slow Down."

Judge: Mr. Hutz, are you aware you're not wearing any pants?
Lionel Hutz: Uh, your Honor, can I call for one of those bad trial thingys?
Judge: You mean a mistrial?
Lionel Hutz: Yeah ... that's why you're the judge, and I am the law ... talkin' ... guy.

Lucy Lawless: ... but I'm sure that once girls get to know the real you, you'll get plenty of dates. Next question.
[hands go up. She picks Frink]
Frink: Yes, over here, n'hey, n'hey. In episode BF12, you were battling barbarians while riding a winged Appaloosa, yet in the very next scene, my dear, you're clearly atop a winged Arabian. Please do explain it.
Lucy Lawless: Ah, yeah, well, whenever you notice something like that, a wizard did it.
Frink: I see, all right, yes, but in episode AG4 --
Lucy Lawless: Wizard.
Frink: [under breath] Aw, for glaven out loud.

Chief Wiggum: How do you like that, it's also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purpose of gambling.

Homer: I have a great way to solve our money woes. You rent your
womb to a rich childless couple. If you agree, signify by getting indignant.
Marge: Are you crazy? I'm not going to be a surrogate mother.
Homer: C'mon, Marge, we're a team. It's uter-US, not uter-YOU.
Marge: Forget it!


[Homer is surrounded by crows at Moe's Bar]
Moe: Alright, get 'em outta here. This ain't no crow-bar. THIS is a crow-bar.
[Moe reaches under the counter and pulls out a portrait of crows sitting at a bar]
Moe: See? They got their little stools and everything

Homer: Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems.

Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

Homer: Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... not even close

Homer: [drunk] Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him.

Lionel Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."

Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut?
Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit.

Moe: Hi, my name's Moe. Or as the ladies like to refer to me, 'hey you in the bushes'

Lisa: Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?
Homer: Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.

Homer's Brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's Brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!

Kent Brockman: ... and the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.

Announcer: Your cable television is experiencing difficulties. Please do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless.
Wiggum (checking): Well I'll be damned.

Homer: Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.

Comic Book Guy: These “Bat Pants” have been shredded by the Riddler.
Dry Cleaner Clerk: No, just your ***.
Comic Book Guy: That’s what I call my ***.

Chief Wiggum: Ooh, and here, out of the mists of history, the legendary esquilax, a horse with the head of a rabbit and the body of a rabbit.

Chief Wiggum: All right. Come out with your hands up, two cups of coffee, an auto freshener that says Capricorn, and something with coconut on it!

Bart: Hey guys, just so you don't hear any wild rumors, I'm being indicted for fraud in Australia.
Homer: Pfft. That's no reason to block the TV.

Homer: When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy.

Marge: My name is Marge Simpson and I have an idea. It may sound a little boring at first.
Mayor Quimby: Chat away. I'll just amuse myself with some pornographic playing cards.

Kent Brockman: Top o' the mornin' to ye on this gray, drizzly afternoon. Kent O' Brockman live on Main Street, where today, eveyone is a little bit Irish! Eh-heh, everyone except, of course, for the gays and Italians.

Homer: I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

Homer: No offense Apu, but when they're handing out religions you must be out taking a whizz.

Homer: Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Marge: Homer, is this how you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.

Homer: If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement.



Aaah that'll do for now

[DJM83]

I can see some of these quotes in ppl sigs soon, they make me lsugh everytime

[jimt3te50]

Marge: I've found someone who can help us
Homer: Batman?
Marge: He's a a scientist..
Homer: Batman's a scientist?
Marge: It's not Batman!

Bart: Take him away boys!
Wiggum: Hey I'm the Chief around here- bake him away toys!
Lou: Uh, wha'd you say Chief?
Wiggum: Just do what the kid said

Marge: The plant called, they said if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday
Homer: Woohoo! 4 day weekend!

Can't remember this one verbatim, but something like...

Bart: I got a job.........
Homer: Oh yeah, what's it pay
Bart: 10 bucks a week
Homer: Pfft, I make more than that

Oh god there are so, so many..........

[PDIDDY]

Originally Posted by JG3282

Homer: No offense Apu, but when they're handing out religions you must be out taking a whizz.

Homer: Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Marge: Homer, is this how you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.

Homer: If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement.



Aaah that'll do for now

haaaaaaahaaaaaaa.
These one's are gold. Love the pelican.

[jimt3te50]

JG3282- man you got some good ones there, well done

[JG3282]

Originally Posted by TE50 056

I can see some of these quotes in ppl sigs soon, they make me lsugh everytime

I've had one in mine for about a year