How do you handle a break up?

Bucket · 09-06-2006, 06:46 PM

My Girlfriend of 1 Year, 4 months, 2 days has just broken it off with me, and she still loves me...she's just not "in love with me" she just wants a break- to do some "soul searching"...i dont know what to do or how to handle it. She says we'll get back together, but my gut keeps telling me she's just trying to let me down softly..im devastated.

*rayman* · 09-06-2006, 07:18 PM

must be the time of year for it dude... friend got dumped this week also.. taking him out for celebration drinks tonight...

is the best thing that could happen, look back in a year and see all the toys you have now bought (for you) and couldnt afford before.

347_XR8 · 09-06-2006, 07:33 PM

Mates and alcohol. Reminise of the old times, the good times. Just don;t get otu of control.

vztrt · 09-06-2006, 07:34 PM

Mate, just keep busy. Best thing you can do.
Leave her alone (speak to her from time to time, like once a week) if she wants ya back than she'll come crawling. You cant make someone have feelings for ya that arnt there.
But go out and keep busy with mates.

cedric · 09-06-2006, 07:40 PM

the whole there are plenty more fish in the sea thing is so true. once they start that sort of its time to move on you will be so glad you did

honer · 09-06-2006, 07:45 PM

It cuts you mate. Went threw it a couple weeks ago.

Booze, mates and sex with random girls is the best !

Lukeyson · 09-06-2006, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Garth off Waynes World

Get over it, go out with somebody else

lol, nah thats harsh, sorry to hear that make, just kick back with your mates and keep busy, just dont become the psycho stalker ex boyfriend *like my mate did*

**Professor Farnsworth** · 09-06-2006, 08:04 PM

i was dating a chick in sydney back in 99, on our two year anniversary i had booked an expensive restaurant for us among other things. There i was at the restaurant waiting for her, gave up after 1.5 hours waiting, heard nothing, couldn't contact her. A month later she dumped me, found out eventually she was scr3wing some dude from the army the night of our 2 years, that's why she never showed.

p.s. they moved in together, he got sick of her, kicked her out on her ar$e, HUHUHU suck that biartch.

Mate i feel for you, it sucks, listen to your favourite music really loud, take your car to the track and thrash it, take up a hobby, go out with mates, have a few drinks... time will make you feel better. Then when you're with your new girl, you'll realise it only happened because of these events.

Good luck.

39ClevoUte · 09-06-2006, 08:05 PM

Give her a call and say "let's see each other in a year and see how we feel".
You'll be suprised of the difference this will make to your attitude and her's. You will loose the pressure and can get about your life guilt and worry free. She will have to do some soul searching and you will have nicely reversed the tables.

Unfortunately from my experience...this is the end anyway, she's just letting herself and you down softly.

Good luck.

09-06-2006, 08:11 PM

sorry to hear that dude.

without sounding like a wimp...
For me it was never the breakup that caused me trouble...
It was all the lies that did my head in/ and no closure.

I hope at least she was honest, and not screwing around behind your back.

The "we'll get back together clause", to me means she is not sure what to do.

two choices, do the chase, or leave her be.

39ClevoUte · 09-06-2006, 08:14 PM

Yeah Zig, that's why I like my method, it turns the tables and you walk away clean.

XRated · 09-06-2006, 08:19 PM

It's a shocking feeling, isn't it mate?

I've been broken up for nearly three months now after nearly six years of a relationship.

You will find LOTS of spare time, and I mean LOTS. I found it hard to occupy myself sometimes (many times), but forced myself to do stuff I wouldn't normally do. Everytime someone wanted to do something - no matter my mood - I'd jump at the chance. I started hitting the gym regularly and running (gotta get the single body happening ;)), going out to places I normally couldn't be bothered, spending a lot more time with friends etc. I figured it was a time to explore.

My best thing was talking to others - in particular two (female) friends of mine. My mates would listen but didn't quite understand how I felt, but the girls know all about the mooshy stuff!!

In the end I told myself I couldn't keep living the past. Look forward and say to yourself it's for the best. I constantly reminded myself that she was going to be the one missing out (as conceited as it sounds), and no one is going to stop me living a happy and fun life.

To be honest, I'm very sceptical of relationships now and am expecting to meet someone amazing..... And I know that could be a long time.

Chin up mate, talk to people. My friends and family were an enormous help and I wouldn't be like I am now without them.

I gave her some space (which I think anyone should do to begin with - mainly for yourself as to not jump into something you might regret) because she said "I don't know what I'm doing, I can see us being together one day blah blah." But from what I learnt, that false hope was because of her own insecurities of having something else not working out (and no, they didn't).

In the end it was just screwing with my mind and taking advantage of me. I had to stop talking to her to stop falling into the same trap, over and over again. I just wish I did it sooner because I got on with my life better and easier. Looking at her now, I'm in the better position and she's made the mistake. Too bad.

Geeze, I could write a novel so I'll end here!

(Feel free to shoot us a PM if you want).

opto · 09-06-2006, 08:22 PM

Your a free man, go sole searching your self, find a bit *** !

Outbackjack · 09-06-2006, 08:29 PM

Usually when a woman says she needs time out for some soul searching, it means "I have met someone else and want some time to persue this new relationship" She wants you to stay on stand by while she has time to compare..... Just walk away. If she is not in it 100% by now, she never will be. Most woman are not worth the effort guys put in.
Drink some cold beer, and think how lucky you really are!!

Just my 2c cents, based on 30 odd years of trying to work out women.

nothin' so gr8 · 09-06-2006, 08:29 PM

A year and 4 months is a lot of life to invest when you're 22, but you've still got a lot of life ahead of you. You obviously cared deeply for her, but see how you feel in a week. You may find the blinkers will fall off and suddenly you'll be seeing other opportunities that you never knew were there.
Look to the future, knowing that whatever it holds it will be different to the pain of now.
Above all, don't try to find fault in yourself. Accept that this is her choice, made for her reasons, which may not have anything to do with you.

You have all the time you need. Take it, be good to yourself and use this as a chance to find the best of who you can be.

39ClevoUte · 09-06-2006, 08:30 PM

I'm with you Jack

MO · 09-06-2006, 08:32 PM

There is only one thing I have to say....don't look at the world through the bottom of a bottle...do not take her back...and live your life...the rest will follow.

XRated · 09-06-2006, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Outbackjack

Usually when a woman says she needs time out for some soul searching, it means "I have met someone else and want some time to persue this new relationship" She wants you to stay on stand by while she has time to compare..... Just walk away. If she is not in it 100% by now, she never will be. Most woman are not worth the effort guys put in.
Drink some cold beer, and think how lucky you really are!!

Just my 2c cents, based on 30 odd years of trying to work out women.

Bingo!

And damn, I drank a lot of beer!!!!

:

Bucket · 09-06-2006, 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Outbackjack

Usually when a woman says she needs time out for some soul searching, it means "I have met someone else and want some time to persue this new relationship" She wants you to stay on stand by while she has time to compare..... Just walk away. If she is not in it 100% by now, she never will be. Most woman are not worth the effort guys put in.
Drink some cold beer, and think how lucky you really are!!

Just my 2c cents, based on 30 odd years of trying to work out women.

Thats my worst fear...i cant stand the thought of her being with annother guy while I wait...for her to come back...i think its time for an ultimatum..

Blue Ice · 09-06-2006, 09:29 PM

I shouldnt have read this, for the most part because I went through a split in april, a 2 year relationship down the drain. It was the best relationship I had since i was a teenager, and i honestly thought it was 'the one'. Anyways, it went long distance about a year in, and we were really close, then just little things didnt add up, i wouldnt hear from her as much during the day, she was doing 'other stuff'.

Turned out she was hooking up with other guys i didnt know about. 3 times this happened. In the end she dropped me for some guy. That ended up falling face first after a few weeks, she then ended up in the mental ward of the hospital after not eating for 3 weeks, diagnosed with anorexia. Since then i havent spoken to her in over 3 months, but mutual friends of ours tell me often that she'll have break downs and stuff, mostly because of something that reminds her of me.

Best thing i did was walk away, not speak to her, not answer any calls, sms's, anything. I burried myself in my work, kept busy and got on with my life.

Best of luck, hope you work it out smoothly

Outbackjack · 09-06-2006, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bucket

Thats my worst fear...i cant stand the thought of her being with annother guy while I wait...for her to come back...i think its time for an ultimatum..

An ultimatum wont work. Where there is doubt there is no doubt. Keep your dignity in tact, and walk away. There almost no chance of a solid trusting relationship after she has done her "soul searching". Get out there and some of your own "soul searching". Like I said to my son when he was getting stuffed around by a member of the oposite sex, if you are outside your comfort zone, get the hell away from her and get back to where you are in control. At the moment your "X" has you on a string. If you dont like it, get out the scisors.... And dont spend a moment thinking about her with another bloke. It is a certanty that this is on the horizon, or has already happened.
Good luck. I know how you feel, but you gotta be hard.

fairmont1998 · 09-06-2006, 09:34 PM

After my last serious break up I fell back onto mates for support. They were great.

Then I blew $4000+ on mods on my car I had at the time, that felt awesome LOL

Bucket · 09-06-2006, 09:44 PM

Thanks for all the advice guys...Im still coming to terms with it...Part of me just wants to walk away...but the other part would be heart broken if i did that...and wants to see this through...when your in love with someone...you can never just walk away...I thought she was the one too Blue Ice...i still hope she is...but if she does go after other guys, then i know that it was a farse and i can walk away.

**Polyal** · 09-06-2006, 09:54 PM

Yeah its harsh, Ive never gone through one but some advice that I have heard before:

"If you love something, and it loves you, dont be afraid to let go because it will always come back".

I couldn't bear the thought of my GF being with someone else, makes me sick, but if we broke up that would be it, Im not one to go back on things if you know what I mean.

Like others have said, keep busy, go do stuff with ya mates that normally you would say no to cos of your missus, thats what I would do.

XRated · 09-06-2006, 10:02 PM

Mate, there isn't much you can do except let her be. Don't think of her with anyone else, push the thought as far away as possible the moment it creeps in to your head. In the mean time just take each day at a time. No need to go sleeping around because it won't help, not with a wounded heart.

Bucket · 09-06-2006, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by XRated

Mate, there isn't much you can do except let her be. Don't think of her with anyone else, push the thought as far away as possible the moment it creeps in to your head. In the mean time just take each day at a time. No need to go sleeping around because it won't help, not with a wounded heart.

Exactly...i couldnt do that...its only a temporary fix to something much deeper

punkin · 09-06-2006, 10:14 PM

for the gods sake DO NOT CALL HER under any circumstances!!!!!!!!!! no sms messages either. If she wants a break then give her the break she wants. If you get drunk and call her she will think you are so pathetic. Yes this is from experience, having an x that I called it off with ring me and be a pest everytime he got drunk.

If she seriously needs a break then give her the break. Without knowing the full story (and both sides of the story), then I can't say if it is what she told you it was - that she needs to do a bit of soul searching, is the real reason or that she wants to let you down gently.

All I can say is if it is meant to be then it is meant to be. If it isn't then you will find the one you're supposed to be with - and usually when you least expect it. And don't think I'm sprouting bull$hit about that, I'm now married to somebody who just "appeared" in my life when I wasn't looking for somebody serious.

henry 351 · 09-06-2006, 10:19 PM

Mate, if they didn't have the map of Tassie, men would throw rocks at them.

(With all due respect ladies, I'm sure you have an equivilent saying about we inferior blokes.)

Your real mates will support you, but don't lean on the bottle too much or the black dog wil get to you.

Like any good old Ford, slip into "D", never consider "R" with the ex. Not only will it stuff the box, your driveshaft will never get over it.

Go out and do a few things you've never done before (and that doesn't involve a bottle of Tequila and a goat).

Join a car club, go skydiving, book a Kontiki tour to somewhere you've never been.

Ferris Bueller said "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while you'll miss it."

That my friend would be a sin. Take it for gospel from a divorced Catholic.

Bucket · 09-06-2006, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by punkin

for the gods sake DO NOT CALL HER under any circumstances!!!!!!!!!! no sms messages either. If she wants a break then give her the break she wants. If you get drunk and call her she will think you are so pathetic. Yes this is from experience, having an x that I called it off with ring me and be a pest everytime he got drunk.

If she seriously needs a break then give her the break. Without knowing the full story (and both sides of the story), then I can't say if it is what she told you it was - that she needs to do a bit of soul searching, is the real reason or that she wants to let you down gently.

All I can say is if it is meant to be then it is meant to be. If it isn't then you will find the one you're supposed to be with - and usually when you least expect it. And don't think I'm sprouting bull$hit about that, I'm now married to somebody who just "appeared" in my life when I wasn't looking for somebody serious.

yea, well right now, i dont really want to face that...i just need to take it a bit at a time... but i do want to know whats going on.. Im on to my second beer

:

cedric · 09-06-2006, 10:36 PM

now your single remember, masturbation isn't a sickness its a way of life !!!