What jokes do you know?

[XDV800]

^^^This whole page is a crack-up, well done people

A little girl skips into the local pet store and approaches the storeman.
"Excuse me mistah. I'd like to buy a bunny wabbit"
The storeman thinks aww how cute. "What colour would you like little girl, we have them in black and in white"
The little girl puts her finger to her lips and thinks for a moment then looks back up at the storeman and replies "I don't tink my python cares what f@#$en colour it is"!

[XDV800]

Lizard is wandering along the river bank one fine aussie day, when he hears a voice from above. It's Koala.

"Hey dude. Dude. Come up into my gum tree and have a smoke of some of these gum leaves with mate. I'm so bombed. HEHEHE."

Lizard replies "Oh i dunno if i should, i've never done that before."

"Don't be such a square man, come up and have a try" scoffs koala

So lizard decides what the hey and climbs the tree to join koala on his branch.

"Here you go lizard, get that into ya."

Lizard tokes on the big fat eucalyptus joint for a bit and starts buggin out.

"Im going to go now Koala, i think i've had enough. Sure hope i can get down from this tree."

"No worries mate, take it easy ok" koala offers.

So lizard starts to descend the tree in a shaky manner, koala watching and giggling at him as he starts to spin out a bit more and begin to lose grip.

Then he tumbles from the trunk and bounces on the ground and into the river.
The rivers current carries him away and he struggles to stay above the surface, before bumping into Crocodile, who happens to be swimming past.

Crocodile nabs lizard heroically in his jaws and delivers him safely to the rivers edge. Lizard coughs up his gullet full of water and comes to.

"Lizard what happened to you son, are you ok?"

"Oh that darn koala convinced me to have some of his gum leaf smoko with him and i spun out and fell into the river." splutters lizard.

"Right. I'm going to go have a word with that whacked out Koala" the crocodile states. He wanders up river till he finds koala sitting in his tree puffing away.

"OI. KOALA." shouts crocodile.

Koala looks down at him and exclaims,

"WHOA. Dude. How much water did you swallow?"

[XDV800]

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania . This guy's response is hilarious, but read The State's letter before you get to the response letter.



SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2007.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price

District Representative and Water Management Division.



Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:


Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County


Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/06 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane , Trout Run, Pennsylvania .

A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood 'debris' dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials 'debris.'

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.




These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) Do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.

(Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)

I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation - so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.

If you want the stream 'restored' to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers - but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2007? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU,

RYAN DEVRIES
& THE DAM BEAVERS

[pauljh74]

I know where we have gone wrong in this country, the people who claim to know how to bring us out of recession, solve unemployment, immigration and crime, are all driving taxis!
********************************

How do you know Santa's a man ? ?

Because he turns up late,
Eats your food,
Drinks your Booze,
Empties his sack,
Only comes once,
Then leaves before you wake ! !
********************************

How has no-one caught on that Edward (from Twilight) is a vampire? Nobody under 40 drives a bloody Volvo

[Highway]

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine Hungry Jacks restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that ?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress."
The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce."
"I understand," replies her husband, "but, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Melbourne, no wintering on the Gold Coast in the caravan park, no Ford XD with 3 chrome 12 slots or fairmont coupe in the garage, and no more Coffee Club. But the decision is yours."
Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with gorgeous woman.
"Who's that woman with Jim ? " she asks. "That's his mistress," replies her husband.
"Ours is prettier," says the wife

[Highway]

who said it cant be done!!!

[Highway]

The Queensland Police Force (QPF), The AFP, and the ASIO are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The PM Mr Rudd decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

ASIO goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest.
They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The AFP goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.
The rabbit had it coming.

The QPF goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten Koala.
The Koala is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

[Highway]

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck
up a conversation. The black Lab turned to the chocolate Lab and said,

"So why are you here?"
The brown Lab replied, "I'm a ****er I on everything....the sofa,
the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I
****ed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The black Lab said, "So what is the vet going to do?"
"Gonna cut my nuts off," came the reply from the chocolate Lab. "They
reckon it'll calm me down.


"The black Lab then turned to the yellow Lab and asked why are you here?"
The yellow Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and
trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the
carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole
in my owners couch."
"So what are they going to do to you?" the black Lab inquired.
"Looks like I'm losing my nuts too", the dejected yellow Lab said.


The yellow Lab then turned to the black Lab and asked, "Why are you here?"
"I'm a humper," the black Lab said. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the
cat, a pillow, the table, and fence posts, whatever. I want to hump
everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and
was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I
hopped on her back and started humping away".
The yellow and chocolate Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, nuts
off for you too, huh?"


The black Lab said...."No, I'm here to get my nails clipped."

[csv8]

What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

Elin found out he’s not a Tiger, he’s a Cheetah.

Tiger just hates it when he drives, and then his balls hit a tree.

Elin Nordegren got hired today as a consultant. She’s teaching Phil Mickelson how to beat Tiger.

Tiger’s confused. Every other time he made a hole-in-one, everyone was all happy about it.

Tiger said the fault of the accident was his Escalade. It’s typical of a golfer—always blame the caddy.

Tiger’s car still runs, but it goes “putt, putt, putt…”

What do baby seals and Tiger Woods have in common? Both were clubbed by a Scandanavian.

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one

Tiger Woods is tree under.



What was Elin Nordegren doing at 2:30 in the morning? She was clubbing.

Tiger Woods has been dropped by Gilette after admitting this incident was his closest shave ever.

[burnz]

Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber..

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Bob....'

Bob was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken..'

Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.... The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'

'Not bad,' replied Bob the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'

'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster.
'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before? '

'Never,' said Bob.

'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'

Bob did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!

Bob was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell.....

BOB, wake up. You crapped the bed!
__________________

[vztrt]

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 1, 2008

RE: Gala Christmas Party



I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place

on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the

Grill House.



There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band

playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be

surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!



A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among

employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00

to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.



This gathering is only for employees!



Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!



Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty

[wkd-windza]

2 jokes... Todd and Rick Kelly

[wkd-windza]

2 more jokes...

how do u get a nun pregnant? u f*$#k her

Little johnny sees hes mum naked and says 'gee mum whats that?' mum says 'thats where daddy hit me with the axe' to this johnny replies 'top shot, right in the '

[V3RSAC3]

Originally Posted by vztrt

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 1, 2008

RE: Gala Christmas Party



I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place

on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the

Grill House.



There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band

playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be

surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!



A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among

employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00

to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.



This gathering is only for employees!



Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!



Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty

I don't get it??

[V3RSAC3]

It's Hell to be Old

OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.

Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked the wife for help.

She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.

She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbour?'



The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the bloody jar open.'

[Charliewool]

Originally Posted by vztrt

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 1, 2008

RE: Gala Christmas Party



I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place

on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the

Grill House.



There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band

playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be

surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!



A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among

employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00

to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.



This gathering is only for employees!



Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!



Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty

A bit more to that one vztrt.....
http://www.sunrisepage.com/humour/christma.htm

[FGII-XR6]

The Redhead

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there's a gorgeous redhead
sitting at the next table. He's been checking her out since he sat down,
but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass
eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches
out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry,"
the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner
to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the
theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest
dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she
asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for
breakfast. They had a wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy
is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! "You know," he said, "you
are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she
replies.. . ...

Wait for it. ... ...

It's coming. . ... The suspense is killing you, isn't it?

She says... "You just happened to catch my eye."

[FGII-XR6]

Football weekend

Four guys spend weeks planning the perfect football outing for an away game
between the Knights and the Storm.

Two days before the group is to leave Frank's wife puts her foot down and
tells him he isn't going. Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go,
but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the stadium site only to find Frank sitting
in his seat with a beer in one hand and a hot dog in the other.

"Damn man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into
letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in
my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and
said
'guess who'?"

I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie.
She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles
and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs and ropes! She told
me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said "Do
whatever you want."

So here I am.

[FGII-XR6]

Single Black Female

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed.
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a
very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding
in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter
nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of
your hand.
I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what
nature gave me... Call 875-6420 and ask for Annie, I'll be
waiting.....

Over 150 men found themselves talking to the RSPCA.

If you don't pass this along, a dog will come out and pee on your keyboard!

[FGII-XR6]

federal cricket score board

[FGII-XR6]

my kind of bar

[FGII-XR6]

speed control
what they see

the reality

[FGII-XR6]

MURDER AT WOOLWORTHS

Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side
underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000..

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.
Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local WOOLWORTHS store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well..

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store...

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...

(You're going to hate me for this...)

'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WOOLWORTHS!'

[FGII-XR6]

A man came home, screeching his car into the driveway, and ran into the
house. He slammed the door and shouted at the top of his lungs,

"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The wife said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain
stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," he said. "Just get out of here."

[FGII-XR6]

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde
jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show
her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a
couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves
for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint.
He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a
pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather
jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she if OK. She
replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to
prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it
by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies
that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said....

You'll love this....

Yep. I know you will...

"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."

[Charliewool]

Tom had been in the Police force for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.


'Name's Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00...'

'Great', says Tom, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks Thank you.' As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you. Be some drinking''

'Not a problem' says Tom 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em'. Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. 'More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting' too.'

'Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! . I'll be there. Thanks again.'

'More'n likely be some wild sex, too,'

'Now that's really not a problem' says Tom, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there By the way, what should I wear?'

'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us..'

[grandpa_spec_F6]

A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labeled LSD?'
Granny replies, "stuff the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!'

--------------------------------------------

Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees
Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks,'Dad, what's love juice?'
Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.
Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.
Dad says: 'So what were you watchin'?'
Billy says, 'Wimbledon.'

---------------------------------------------------------
A woman standing nude in front of a mirror, says to her husband,

'I look horrible, I feel fat & ugly, pay me a compliment.'
He replies: 'Your eyesight is perfect.'

---------------------------
Wife gets naked & asks hubby,

'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
Hubby looks her up & down and replies: 'Your sense of humour!'

-------------------------
An elderly couple was attending Mass.
About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband,

'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'

He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

[V3RSAC3]

ANZ Bank Customer Service Dept.









A lady died this past January, and ANZ bank billed her for February and
March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and
Then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge The balance had
Been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00.

A family member placed a call to the ANZ Bank:

Family Member:
'I am calling to tell you that she died in January.'

ANZ:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member:
'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

ANZ:
'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member:
So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

ANZ:
'Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to
The credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member:
'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

ANZ:
'Excuse me?'

Family Member:
'Did you just get what I was telling you . . . The part about her
Being dead?'

ANZ:
'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member:
'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.'

ANZ:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member:
'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

ANZ:
(Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member:
'No, I'm her great nephew.'
(Lawyer info given)

ANZ:
'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member:
'Sure.'
( fax number is given )

After they get the fax:

ANZ:
'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I
Can do to help..'

Family Member:
'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing
Her. I don't think she will care.'

ANZ:
'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.'

Family Member:
'Would you like her new billing address?'

ANZ:
'That might help.'

Family Member:
' Rookwood Memorial Cemetery, 1249 Centenary Rd, Sydney Plot Number
1049.'

ANZ:
'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member:
'Well, what the f.... do you do with dead people on your planet?'

[Giant Cranium]

bit of a rude one but you dont have to read it.

what do women and kfc have in common.

after you are done with the breasts and the thighs
all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in

[Fev]

^gufffawww lol