Feel like doing damage

AU Mont · 08-08-2012, 09:42 PM

My 12 year old been bullied by certain other kids for a couple years now, and it usually starts from the school bus in the morning to getting off the school bus in the afternoon.

Approached the principle about the bullying which ranges from petty group rejection to death threats (some of these very disturbing). He says its just kids being kids and that my kid has a big mouth and is just as guilty

Wife rings up the mother of the main bully this morning, and from what i heard on this end was a very light converstation of basically "could you please have a talk to your kid about the bullying, yes i know it takes two to tango ive already had a word to mine" blah blah

So this ******* ***** mother of the bully turns up at school today finds my kid in the playground and literally gets in his face and starts yelling at him, wheres he is left in tears and runs straight to the principal not knowing what to do. Principal makes a phonecall informing my wife at work what happened and that he will be sending a letter to each party of what happened.

If it was a bloke i would have 'dealt' with it, but because it was the mother, i let the wife go over their house and ask what the hell was she thinking trying to intimidate a little boy like that. Well the ***** denied even speaking to him, then stormed out the front door trying to hit my wife being held back by the husband which had a look on his face of not knowing of anything that had been going on.

And my 5 year old came home in tears today because they are starting on him too, one of them being a kid from the next door neighbour with his precious lawn as per my other whinge thread.

The wife then goes to the police and mentions the trespassing ***** mother abusing my kid at school, and he said none of it is his problem, whilst also mentioning how he received a phonecall from her that my wife turned up at their house trying to hit her.......... all lies bullshtt, but no-one is listening

Now i get to the point where im under alot of stress & just feel like killing someone, and im afraid of approaching unapproachable people because i cant tolerate any nonsense like this.

So how does everyone else deal with their kids getting bullied !!??

XRGhia · 08-08-2012, 09:47 PM

Id smash the ****ers...

As far as I'm concerned, it's assault to an underage kid.

I wouldn't put up with it considering I know what it feels like having had it happen to me right through primary school.

Failing that, gearbox the roof of their car, haha.

svo347 · 08-08-2012, 09:55 PM

This is all over the tv about bullying at school and yet they are failing you, both the school and the police. I feel for you mate as I really pity the fool that picks on my children. I hope the father is abit more understanding and that he can talk to the kid... I'm sorry to say mate but unfortunately it's time to send your son to defense classes. I'd rather get a phone call saying my son has given another kid a fat lip due to being bullied than a call to say he received one from being bullied... Best of luck mate

Jim Goose · 08-08-2012, 09:57 PM

Sadly this is todays society.... where once you could call a kids parent up, or even show up at their door and explain that their kid was being a pain.
Chances were they would thank you and deal with it...

Nowadays chances are you would be abused and assaulted as thier "little darling" cant do no wrong and how dare you tell me how to raise my kids!!!!

The mother of the bully sounds like a bogan and there is sure ot be a bogan husband nearby. Do you really want the agro of being threatened, harassed or even assaulted? As I cant see it ending well.

(Trust me when I say i have issues with my housos neighbours and I dont back down).

Just be wary how you approach the situation and document as much of the bullying as you can as well as the abuse the peanut mother dished out etc...

AndyXR6T · 08-08-2012, 10:00 PM

Mate what a joke! This is the kind of **** that leads to poor innocent children committing suicide. There's no satisfaction in politics do I say teach yours kids some "moves" and they can sort out the little bastards that are picking on them.
Its probably bad parenting but I've already taught my 5 year old of anyone gives him grief, to punch them in the nose and they will leave him alone. Like I said probably not the best thing to teach kids but it's the only way to get results, and I personally would rather have my son be suspended from school rather then find him hanging from a noose in his room

opto · 08-08-2012, 10:04 PM

Reality is, parents don't teach respect to kids, kids don't get discipline, with no discipline there is no limits. And some parents just don't care. Best thing you can do is get your kids into martial arts over summer, and then he can beat the shlit up the next year.

zdcol71 · 08-08-2012, 10:12 PM

Smash the *******???
Then it's assault to whom, an overage kid???
Let's perpetuate the cycle of violence and wonder why our kids turn out to be bullies!

AU Mont · 08-08-2012, 10:25 PM

all comments taken on board. Have told my kid for a long time now to hit back after being hit, but it hasnt got to that point. Its moreso the mind games and intimiadation where he feels like he has lost the fight before its happened.

I fully understand as i was bullied in school and at 30 years of age im now im distrusting of everyone, arrogant, and very quick to fire at anyone whom i deem is trying to throw their weight around. I still think about my past all the time.

Like ******* hell im gonna have my kids grow up the same, im very upset, and just trying to chill atm

svo supporter · 08-08-2012, 10:40 PM

Ring the education dept outlining the whole scenario.....Guaranteed, the school will end up with the kick up the butt.

creative · 08-08-2012, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by svo supporter

Ring the education dept outlining the whole scenario.....Guaranteed, the school will end up with the kick up the butt.

This..

The school have to do something about it. If they fail to, shout even louder, the media would love this right now.

Falconxf88 · 08-08-2012, 10:48 PM

Forget Karate. Go to the nearest MMA gym and get your kid in there.

Even Muay Thai will get said results.

Ford_The_Win · 08-08-2012, 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by svo supporter

Ring the education dept outlining the whole scenario.....Guaranteed, the school will end up with the kick up the butt.

Exactly, the school has a duty of care to your children and the incompetent staff aren't doing their job.

When people used to pick on me at school I kicked them in the balls. A bit of a dog act, but it did the job

XRDeeze · 08-08-2012, 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jim Goose

Sadly this is todays society.... where once you could call a kids parent up, or even show up at their door and explain that their kid was being a pain.
Chances were they would thank you and deal with it...

Nowadays chances are you would be abused and assaulted as thier "little darling" cant do no wrong and how dare you tell me how to raise my kids!!!!

The mother of the bully sounds like a bogan and there is sure ot be a bogan husband nearby. Do you really want the agro of being threatened, harassed or even assaulted? As I cant see it ending well.

(Trust me when I say i have issues with my housos neighbours and I dont back down).

Just be wary how you approach the situation and document as much of the bullying as you can as well as the abuse the peanut mother dished out etc...

Do you live in Kelso Jim?

danthefordman · 08-08-2012, 10:54 PM

If the other children's parent/s have responded like they have so far, i cant see this ending well regardless of how far it gets taken, all you will succeed in doing is creating a mentally unstable enemy. I agree teach your child to stand up for themselves but perhaps it is time to seek out another school. Also something to consider, if you are to pursue a resolution with the other parents again, take a hidden video camera or have someone film from a distance or use a tape recorder and keep some diary notes, these things have a way of being turned around on you, and it appears you are already seeing signs of that.

karj · 08-08-2012, 10:59 PM

If it's an option, ask your kids how they feel about moving schools (preferably as far away as possible to sever as many connections with the bullies as you can). If you do that though, it's important that they feel involved in the process (especially at 12 because that is near highschool age).

School bullying policies are not worth the paper they are written on, the school sounds useless and the parents of the bullies completely feral. There is no point teaching your kids to 'hit back' when the bullying isn't physical, and besides... in real life you can't just go around assaulting people who are hassling you.

There is no shame in opting for flight instead of fight in this situation. There is a time and place for standing your ground and battling through, but he is not an adult, he is 12. Continuing on like this is at this point in his development is unlikely to make him resilient, more likely to make him miserable and have longer term mental health effects. A fresh start may just give him the opportunity he needs to enjoy life.

I wish your family all the best... not an easy situation to be dealing with.

Hell Cat · 08-08-2012, 11:05 PM

I wrote a big reply just before but accidentally deleted it.. I will write it again tomorrow.

Basically outlining my experience being bullied in school & how it's affected me as an adult. (I'm 24, I left highschool 7yrs ago)

Your sons bullying needs to stop, it's a miserable thing & I feel sorry for him having to put up with it. I didn't stand up for myself enough in school.

Have you considered switching schools for him?

AU Mont · 08-08-2012, 11:06 PM

again, all comments taken on board, much appreciated

Quote:

Originally Posted by svo supporter

Ring the education dept outlining the whole scenario.....Guaranteed, the school will end up with the kick up the butt.

seems to be a rationale thing to do by the comments here, i will first go through the useless hoop of visiting the principle in the morning, which im already on bad terms with because ive abused him for not punishing these kids for a previous threat to my child which again i wont mention as its unthinkable things, THEN i will approach the department outlining the results

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ford_The_Win

When people used to pick on me at school I kicked them in the balls. A bit of a dog act, but it did the job

haha good stuff

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hell Cat

Have you considered switching schools for him?

he starts high school next year, and theres ony one public school here so its all gonna follow him regardless. There is a $2500yr catholic high school, or $10,000 private school but i cant really justify that sort of coin

devilcv8 · 08-08-2012, 11:10 PM

My youngest son was getting bullied in a Christian school and despite numerous attempts to resolve it peacefully the school failed to provide my son with an appropriate safe environment. Final straw was after senior kids kicked a ball at my son so hard it broke is wrist. School was all apologetic as was the senior but the inaction from the school resulted in me telling my son in front of the principal, that the next incident of bullying was to result in my son physically defeding himself. Principal was aghast and kept telling me I couldn't advocate violence, but my response was if the school stops the bullying then my son won't have to defend himself.

Result. A few weeks later son was having a drink from a bubbler, gets pushed from behind and hits his head hard on the wall. Son turns around and decks the kid, bloody nose and all. Lots of bluster from the school but no action against my son, and the bullying stopped.

XRDeeze · 08-08-2012, 11:16 PM

bogans these days...If i were your wife (that didnt sound right) I'd of punch her square in the face as she was being held back, it would sort of justified what she did to your son..And then look at her in the eye as she's bleeding from the nose and say "karmas a beach....btch" and you can come into it by doing a mean as burnout as you leave their driveway..

AU Mont · 08-08-2012, 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by devilcv8

Result. A few weeks later son was having a drink from a bubbler, gets pushed from behind and hits his head hard on the wall. Son turns around and decks the kid, bloody nose and all. Lots of bluster from the school but no action against my son, and the bullying stopped.

good on him, being a christian school you'd think that stuff wouldnt happen

i love stories like this.......

14 year old kid named Scott recently transferred to a new school where he knew no one. He was eventually picked on by the "toughest" bully (16) in the school, and stood up for himself: Scott told Cameron to meet him after school to settle things. As they were preparing for the fight, dozens of onlookers called Scott racist names, say he's going to get beat, and spit on him. The video joins the action when Scott, probably 5'5? 140lbs, squares off with Cameron, probably 5'8? 170lbs

http://www.break.com/kick-***/bully-...aw-broken.html

Geez Louise · 08-08-2012, 11:39 PM

The education department takes this kind of situation very seriously...no matter what state you are in.

All schools have a duty of care and SHOULD have the national school bullying policy in place. All comments here I can understand and sympathise with, however everyone has to remember...we are talking about kids here.

I know you are upset and I would be too, but showing or threatening violence or verbally attacking the parents/other kid is showing your child that doing the same thing back is okay.

Best advice I can offer you, is to speak to the principle one more time...if NOTHING is done about it - a positive course of action taken - call the Education department. Your foremost thought must be for the safety and well being of your child.

Cheers
Col

b2tf · 08-08-2012, 11:41 PM

I can relate, I left a school in year 10 because of stuff like this. I still to this day will not acknowledge any of the pieces of #@% involved in it (who now all pretend it never happened) and I will not by any means slow down if theyre in the middle of the street. I hate them, despise them and hope they all get whats coming to them - and that I'm there to see it.

Bullies are the lowest form of scum on the earth and should all be shot on sight.

Realistically from a parental point of view there is little you can do without potentially making it worse for your child - mainly because they will be picked on more for getting you/principal/etc involved in it too.

As much as I hate it, sometimes the only answer is to get them to really stand up for themselves and make it known they're not going to keep taking it. When I left I eventually snapped - I broke the jaw of one of the kids that was giving me a hard time, had (and still dont) no remorse for doing it and strangely enough he never took it further. Funny that.

If there's only one option in town for high school it's important to get this sorted now - get on top of it, don't back down and if the parents want to play games like they are with you then walk away and let them go - but make it known you're not putting up with crap, neither is your kid and if he decides to flog one of them one day then so be it and you will not intervene.

Good luck - it is a crappy, awful thing to go through, but on the upside it is character building. My experience was an absolute nightmare, I admit I did consider suicide more than once (but could never go through with it) but when I decided to take action and sort it I learnt a lot about myself, and I am a better person for it. I look down on those scumbags now - and they know it.

steve.zissou · 08-08-2012, 11:43 PM

might not be a popular answer, but parents getting involved in school bullying should be the last resort.
Advise, educate, train, pay for boxing lessons but unless your kid is in actual immediate danger - let them sort it out.
Parents getting involved just make things worse. it makes them a bigger target, it emasculates the child and quite often parents demonstrate the exact wrong thing to do and if things go bad the kid ends up blaming them self.
There a bullies in all age groups - up to and including senior citizens, they are going to have to learn sooner or latter.
Bully's usually focus on someone that has a lack of confidence, so focus on that first - usually both physical and social confidence.
Martial arts training is good, not because your kid can then fight back but because it give them confidence and that in itself is often enough to stop the bullying.

b2tf · 08-08-2012, 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geez Louise

The education department takes this kind of situation very seriously...no matter what state you are in.

Can I just raise this point. At the end of the day, the education dept's job is to keep the school running and there's bugger all they can do in this sort of situation other than telling the school staff to monitor it and sort it out.

Been down this road, they will not act for fear of upsetting anybody or their parents and getting sued.

Geez Louise · 08-08-2012, 11:48 PM

Things have changed since we were at school. The bullying policy was introduced into all schools about 5yrs ago I think.

It is a different world to when we were at school that's for sure....There are different ways bullying gets handled these days and it gets drummed into all school kids that being a bully is not cool.

EDIT: This is the Victorian Education departments stance on bullying:

http://www.education.vic.gov.au/abou...h/bullying.htm

More info here:
http://www.education.vic.gov.au/heal...fe/default.htm

b2tf · 08-08-2012, 11:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geez Louise

Things have changed since we were at school. The bullying policy was introduced into all schools about 5yrs ago I think.

It is a different world to when we were at school that's for sure....There are different ways bullying gets handled these days and it gets drummed into all school kids that being a bully is not cool.

They were doing that when I was in yr10 10 years ago - and it didn't work.

**Professor Farnsworth** · 08-08-2012, 11:52 PM

Look to be honest almost everyone was bullied at school, some more than others. I used to cop quite a bit of **** for no apparent reason, a lot of the time from higher year level idiots. It stopped when i started punching people in the face. However i most certainly would not recommend that at all.

The thing about school is it's full of idiots, and is a temporary thing. Hard thing to deal with as a parent i would imagine, my parents asked if i wanted to change schools but i just went Duke Nukem on the bullies instead.

It can change with the school too, one school i went to and all TAFE's, everyone was great. Only copped **** at a catholic school.

Cheer up mate.

Shonky. · 08-08-2012, 11:58 PM

I don't have any advice to be honest.

I don't know what I'd do, but I suspect I would just want to go Tassie Devil if my little fella was on the business end.

But one thing I can say is that I would be SO SO SO much more disappointed and upset to learn that my boy (who is only 2 now mind you) was doing the bullying than I would be to learn he was copping it.

Anyway, just hoping to make you feel better as a parent. I think it could be worse, he could be the little ****** up monster that is doing it.

good luck

MITCHAY · 09-08-2012, 12:09 AM

Probably the hardest thing but most effective would be to build your kid up to be more assertive, be that in communication and/or physical skills. Bullies typically don't continue to pick on other kids that stand up for themselves.

I'm lucky I didn't get much probably because they knew I could belt them if I decided to throw down so they kept it to the odd smart mouth comment.

Size helps a lot I must admit but that's obviously something that's not entirely in someones control.

Evgeni · 09-08-2012, 12:17 AM

I think your wife did the right thing by going to the police. Another parent abusing your boy is way over the line. They say it is not their problem, unless you actually state you want to take out an AVO or press charges/make a statement. Most of us would not want details of assaulting a minor to be read out in a public court - but then this would be a last resort.
Not being from an anglo background, growing up in the 70's and 80's and being the small nerdy kids with glasses, I really copped a beating at school. Best thing that happened was joining a sporting team outside of school. It introduced me to alot of new friends who were working with me instead of against me. Made it alot easier to ignore the bullies. When you dont give them a response, they will eventually move on. I did retaliate at one stage and I did regret it. All it does is give the school a reason to believe that you cannot socialise with others and fuels the fire for those that want to keep on bullying you.

I hope this works out for you. I think your son is the strong one in all of this for not hitting back. All power to him.