Your VL is a beast you need to learn how to control it

au-steve · 08-07-2005, 06:42 PM

Not sure if this is a repost but got it in my email today.
Thought i would share after i came across a VL turbo today that fitted into the description perfectly.

1. Cut the springs full dont be shy! 11mm off ground, that's heaps!
2. fully sick interceptors with 2 mags on front wheels maaaayt!
3. shick subwoofa ( note: it's not loud unless the boot hinges are
about to give way)
4. Get some fully fluffy assed dice from Uncle Charlie down at the Vic
market,
he can hook you up with some real niiiice ones mayt!!
5. Install a custom built hair wax holder on the dash for those last
minute touch ups before you turn off Chapel Street
6. Buy the lowest seat you can find so all people can see is your
Kappa hat poking above the dash
7. fully shick stickers on the side door, showing the sponsors you
couldn't afford ( Greddy, HKS etc etc )
8. put 144 on side window and state it does 11's
9. install a bottle of gold polish under the dash so you can quickly
shine up those "chest-hair line indicators" before stepping out.
11. put a $30 turbo tip from Super-Cheap Auto on your exhaust so
people think you can actually afford a real turbo
12. Slow all the way down to about 2 kph at least 20 feet prior to a
speed hump, to ensure people understand your car is lower than it
actually is, and seems like your chassis is detailed
13. Stare at people when you drive past as if you're about to fight
them, then drive off with as much RPM as possible so they get "scared"
14. When you exit your car, look at the big scratch on the spoiler.
You put your amp there when your arms got weak but pretend to forget
that for a second, rub the scratch with ur thumb as if it would come
off
15. When you rest your arm on the door, make sure you push outwards so
your muscles look bigger.
16. Make sure you have a nice teenage girl in the passenger side who's
"like, totally in love with you"
17. Never fix your neons, just constantly jiggle the wires until they go
on.
18. Make sure youur turbo's bearing are shot so badly that u get
3000rpm of lag and need to pump the clutch to get the shick sound
19. Make sure you own a nokia, so you're bro's and hoes can call you
and say, hey bro, lets go for a cruise in the VL turbo Leh!
20. Take your ride to "tint professor" so you get to drive the
replacement car (excel) and FRASH it to da max
21. Never buy optimax because your bro said it's not good for turbos
22. Ask a bro for 2 bucks for fuel money coz you used your money up
for a new turbo badge for yuour fake turbo
23. Moving your lisence plates to the side so you can get that extra 3
square cms air intake..
24. When you change the steering wheel moit, make sure you use the
good boss kit so your fringes dont get stuck in the column
25. Write in ur calender that you'll need a new clutch every two
months because you can't drive manual
26. Have a folder in your glove box to store all the canaries you cop
every saturday night at chapel st coz ur seat is so low
27. Ask the copper to stick your canary on an angle in the perfect
place on your window so the most people will see it at "chapz"
28. Keep a syphon tube in the boot incase you need to make a quick refill.
29. Nod your head to other "tilted hat people" as if you know them...
they'll nod back if they are sick
30. Get your break lights tinted so they are only just visible at night.
31. Make sure u are sponsored by a Car Towing company, proving you are
a real VL muzza on the burnout run saturday nights
32. Dont use brakes.. manual shift the auto like a sick kunt..
Clean your lowerd seats before leaving Chapel so your ma doesnt find
out you ate a souvlaki after her dinner.
33. State you got a permit from the EPA not to run a cat converter.
34. Tell everyone at the drags that you're running 32psi, and after
the Cortina sucks your headlights out , say " oh my digital boost
controller was stuck on 11psi "
35. Blu-tac your TURBO badge on to your boot so when you floor it, the
badge will fly off and you can say, "Bro! See that my car is so f'n
fast the turbo badge fell off"!
36. Always wash your car with the hood up on the nature strip
37. When out with mates, make sure your fat cousin and her boyfriend
sit in the back so your car looks lower.
38. When someone overtakes you in ur VL you have to reovertake them
and just as u pass them you have to make sure the blow off valve
sounds
39. When driving past chicks at o-zone, make sure you change gears at
just the right time for the BOV to open up...
40. The correct cruising method is: 1 hand out window on the door, 1
hand on top of steering wheel, chin up, hat tickling gods feet, full
shick diesel jeans and top
41. Finally, get beaten by falcons at the lights, but dont worry coz soon ur VL will run 10's like all ur mates!

AdzT3-146 · 08-07-2005, 06:45 PM

haha, thats a ****er. been around for about 2 years but.

FordFan86 · 08-07-2005, 07:22 PM

That is classic! and it's the 1st time i've seen it!!! bwhahahahahahaha

bindi · 08-07-2005, 07:32 PM

Loved number 25... the amount of men who claim they can drive a manual is amazing. Just cos they claim it, doesn't mean it's true!

rodderz · 08-07-2005, 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by au-steve

20. Take your ride to "tint professor" so you get to drive the
replacement car (excel) and FRASH it to da max

haha!
/me tries to get tint professor annoying jingle out of head
:gren:

**DJM83** · 10-07-2005, 03:47 PM

hahaha thats the funniest ive heard in ages and u know wat its so very very true

Shonky · 10-07-2005, 04:01 PM

That's classic!

Fully Schick Mohummed Bro!!!

Danny · 10-07-2005, 04:42 PM

Fairly old. It came out on the Woglife website about 2 or three years back. Graet value though, I never tire of reading it over again!

The MaDDeSTMaN · 10-07-2005, 06:13 PM

Hahahaha, v.funny stuff!

dogbreath_48 · 10-07-2005, 09:39 PM

Quote:

13. Stare at people when you drive past as if you're about to fight
them, then drive off with as much RPM as possible so they get "scared"

gold.

-Styu

MITCHAY · 10-07-2005, 09:44 PM

Ill will ad one

42. Actually learn how to drive and get a licence not a full sick fakie from your brothas mates cuzs unclez.

AUXRVIII · 11-07-2005, 10:42 PM

43. Place a 2ft high BASS sticker across the back window.

Bossxr8 · 12-07-2005, 07:16 PM

Too true. I just had some fully sick, hat backwards VL driving tosser try to beat me off at the lights today while he was driving in the bicycle lane. What a moron.

The MaDDeSTMaN · 12-07-2005, 07:21 PM

sadly, you get tools driving all kinds of cars, however since I started driving the XF I have had more tools in commodores trying to get me to run them or trying to "show off" in front of me then I used to get while I was driving the Escort...