One of the saddest moments in my Life Occured last night.

MYVYSS · 02-08-2007, 04:02 AM

So I was putting Lachlan (my 8 yr old) to bed last night, and all of a sudden he hugged me so so tight, as always he told me he loves me and I told him that I love him as well, I asked him what was the matter and he told me.

"Daddy I miss my friends, I miss my Nanna and Poppy, I miss my Nonna and Nonno (Lara's Parents), I miss Zio and Zia, I miss Alex and Claudia, and I miss Ted and Alby, he then burst into tears like only a small child could, and sobbed his heart out whilst hugging me tightly, he then told me in his own words " I like America, but I want to go back to Australia" I was shattered and heartbroken, firstly cause its my fault my little man is so upset, and secondly cause I felt I failed him cause I never seen any of this. I was so proud he had the courage to tell me, but also its one of the best things as a parent, having your child truely and openly communicate with you.

Lara and I spent a while talking thru things with him, and have agreed we will stick it out over here at least until Christmas, and if at such time he still isnt happy over here, Lara and him will head back to Australia and I will try to see out the remander of the minimum time I have to be here (cant remember if its 12 or 18 months) and then may return.

I guess in all my question is...

if your Child was unhappy cause of a choice you made, would you sacrifice your career and money for the simple happiness of them. I love my boy and I know my parents are heartbroken at him not being there every weekend. I also know I would be able to get work back in Australia simply.

Strange thing is I am not all that upset at the prospect of leaving the USA and heading home. At the end of the day its only money. And I think the relationship mine and Lara's parents have with Lachlan is more important than a hand full of dollars. Maybe this move to the USA has taught all of us more about who we are and whats important to us, more than making some $$$ and a adventure.

What would you do?

Bucknaked · 02-08-2007, 05:57 AM

The first part of the opening paragraph had me thinking the worst.

By Chirstmas time, he may change his mind. He will be home sick and to him it's a big thing. For any 8 year old, its a huge thing to be away from the people he's grown up with. Nan and pop are very important people in his life. It's a new surround, and it's hard for him to adjust. All he has is mum and dad. But he is used to having more family around him. Maybe he is a little scared and feels a little isolated.

Tough decision. Can't really say what I would do. Have you considered having maybe web cam hook up's a couple of times a week with the family back home. Not sure of the differnce in time. So he can see them and talk to them. A lady at work who is from Brazil does the exact same thing with her mum. It works well.

Good luck. I hope your little fella is ok.

MYVYSS · 02-08-2007, 06:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bucknaked

The first part of the opening paragraph had me thinking the worst.

Tough decision. Can't really say what I would do. Have you considered having maybe web cam hook up's a couple of times a week with the family back home. Not sure of the differnce in time. So he can see them and talk to them. A lady at work who is from Brazil does the exact same thing with her mum. It works well.

Good luck. I hope your little fella is ok.

We have Skype and he talks to all the family almost Daily as 3.30pm here its about 7.30am Back home, Also Mum has Webcam and SKype in the Office, and he knows he can call anyone he wishes at any time, regardless of the time difference. Thats the hardest part, he is in constant contact with them, i guess for him thats not enough, I know the love and connection I had with my Grandparents and I dont want to be the cause of him missing that, A Grandparents love is so special and something I dont want him to miss out on.. My parents and sister are already booked to be here at Xmas time, I just dont know if that will be enough,and either help or hinder the situation.

Falc'man · 03-08-2007, 01:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bucknaked

The first part of the opening paragraph had me thinking the worst.

By Chirstmas time, he may change his mind. He will be home sick and to him it's a big thing. .For any 8 year old, its a huge thing to be away from the people he's grown up with Nan and pop are very important people in his life. It's a new surround, and it's hard for him to adjust. All he has is mum and dad. But he is used to having more family around him. Maybe he is a little scared and feels a little isolated.

Boy does that bring back childhood memories... Its very difficult. I can see exactly what he's going through and nothing will replace what he's missing. Plus, do you really want him to pick up that accent lol?

GK · 03-08-2007, 06:55 PM

The hardest thing is to try and decide what's best for your whole family.

Often we suspect that means stacks of dough, but that's not it. He's very attached to his grandparents which is a lovely thing.

I wouldn't be rushing home though, as others have said, he'll start getting used to it, when he gets a few mates he'll be right, plus you could also get him the BB gun! LOL!

The advice about spending lots of time with them is also very good. Money means not much really, family is the central focus of a man's life, at least it should be.

All the best with it.

GK

schnoods · 03-08-2007, 07:13 PM

Stick it out mate, You have worked hard your entire life to get where you are where as your son still has a long way to go, a little bit of sacrifice goes along way. By the time you can move back to Aus, he probably wouldnt want to leave!

BadMac · 03-08-2007, 07:43 PM

You are on the right track. Come Xmas it will be easy to decide, Family is always first, you can get a job anywhere. I mean how much money is enough (although as you say, if you decide to come home, send the family and work out the time, I hate throwing money away). And thats from somebody who has tossed in very well paid jobs to be with my Family (somehow it always works out, 4 years back tossed in a $150k job, decided to do some commercial development, cleared over a million that year). By the way, we having been looking for SAP staff for ages, just no one around (especially not for the money we pay compared to those contract implementation jobs). I have a mate who made $280k last year flying from NZ to Aus weekly (Sydney) and doing SAP work (hes good at the intergration/interfaces area).

Tles · 02-08-2007, 06:05 AM

Hard one but I think all you can do for now is keep him and Lara, as busy as you can. Join a baseball club or the likes - it's a big enough game here too. Should you return he'll have something he can keep chatting to his new Sacramento mates about, maybe even return to play college ball on a scholarship, or paid like a mate of ours did. For the moment though he will have a social outlet and a new activity to chat to his Nan etc about back home.

If your minimum term is 18 months then I'd do a deal with the family to only stay 3 years max. That way you have time to consider a further 12 months if everything turns out beaut. Or if you pull up stumps early you have some credits up your sleeve for putting your loved ones first. Money isn't everything, nor is adventure but if 2-3 years of discomfort can set you and your career up for life then you will never regret it. It will also show Lachlan the value of sticking out your dream and not giving in without having a red hot go first.

It sounds as if your little man has reached the turning point where the excitement and wonder has given into his hurt. He seems to have made a conscious choice to stick it out with you breaking with the past. Sounds like a strong little camper you should be very proud. Best of wishes and luck.

The Yeti · 02-08-2007, 06:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MYVYSS

Strange thing is I am not all that upset at the prospect of leaving the USA and heading home. At the end of the day its only money. And I think the relationship mine and Lara's parents have with Lachlan is more important than a hand full of dollars. Maybe this move to the USA has taught all of us more about who we are and whats important to us, more than making some $$$ and a adventure.

What would you do?

You answered your own question here I think, I think the see it out till Christmas is a sensible approch I know when I was young and moved away from my freinds the 1st 6months was tough at times but once I made some good solid freinds it was the best move my parrents could have made for us.

how ever having said that arround 10years ago I was approched by the company I now work for to move to Europ for a position it was all very exciting my wife wanted me to take the position but we were planing a family so I rejected it, 18 months later they offerd me the same postion in Austrailia and I too it, now I mave progressed through the organisation where as my current postion is now quite seinor however the person that filled the position has been unable to progerss and feels traped as he has been unable to move forward, I guess my point is as you said its only Money and perhaps as far as your carrer goes it may not make a big difference if at all

MYVYSS · 02-08-2007, 06:50 AM

Yeah look there was no way we were just going to throw it away and say lets go home, we always had planned to see how it went for a minimum of 6 months, the thing that has thrown me a little was, Both my wife and I thought it would be either of us that did/didnt like the lifestyle here, however having your child tell you that, its really blown us out of the water, I knew we took into account his feelings when we made the move, however I probably wasnt prepared for my boy, to be the first one to say, I am unhappy here and want to be back in Australia, we are doing everything we can, to make his time here as full and happy as possible, he is a GREAT kid and we have had so many happy moments, he had really settled in, has taken an interest in Baseball, and enjoys the weekends we get out and away (almost every weekend). But it was obviously something thats been eating him up inside.

mcnews · 02-08-2007, 06:56 AM

Kids are generally incredibly adjustable to cope with any changes in situation. I think a kid with experience growing up in a different country for a while will be better equipped and have a more open mind as they grow into adulthood. In summary I think your young fella will benefit from the overseas experience. He might be just having a bad day, week etc. Explain the situation to him and see how things go perhaps. I am no expert mate, just trying to bring a different viewpoint. Good luck with it.

**Polyal** · 02-08-2007, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcnews

Kids are generally incredibly adjustable to cope with any changes in situation. I think a kid with experience growing up in a different country for a while will be better equipped and have a more open mind as they grow into adulthood. In summary I think your young fella will benefit from the overseas experience. He might be just having a bad day, week etc. Explain the situation to him and see how things go perhaps. I am no expert mate, just trying to bring a different viewpoint. Good luck with it.

Bingo. Thats what I think to.

My GF has had a very fortunate upbringing. She is Australian, but was born in Japan, lived in China, Saudi, India, France, America, Scotland and a few others that ive forgotten. Her old man is/was a engineer with an oil company.

So yeah, they never had a chance to really settle until the moved back here when she was about 14 I think. They hardly saw there Dad and it doesn't seem like its effected them.

You can always come back, I think he naturally misses his mates and family but you are doing the right thing by not jumping on the plane.

Does he do any sports? Socialises much? That would help I think. Try and get him to make friends (on his own, dont push).

Rodp · 02-08-2007, 07:12 AM

Ultimately I think he'll be better off for the experience of living overseas for awhile. I'm sure he does miss his family back home but that will pass after when he makes new friends in the US. I can't imagine how heart breaking it would be to hear your son give you the speech but if it were me, I'd stick it out.

You're doing something right if he can be so open and honest with you though.

MYVYSS · 02-08-2007, 07:48 AM

LOL Mate I/We are planning on sticking it out, as I pointed out in my original post there is a Minimum time frame I have to be here, and well if I was to break that and leave earlier, I think at a rough estimate, I am up for around the 50-70k USD mark to reimburse the company for all the transport,travel,visa,lawyer,accomodation blah blah blah costs, and unless I absolutly had to I really dont want to be paying that back... So regardless I am here for the 18months...If it was really bad, Lara and Lachlan will head back to Aus without me, and I will see it out, in a 1 bedroom dog box, and just BANK as much USD as possible. Then return home and get a job and do what I was, I am a SAP Functional Consultant, and there is that much work world wide at the moment, Getting a job is actually last on the list of things important.

StealthAu · 02-08-2007, 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MYVYSS

LOL Mate I/We are planning on sticking it out, as I pointed out in my original post there is a Minimum time frame I have to be here, and well if I was to break that and leave earlier, I think at a rough estimate, I am up for around the 50-70k USD mark to reimburse the company for all the transport,travel,visa,lawyer,accomodation blah blah blah costs, and unless I absolutly had to I really dont want to be paying that back... So regardless I am here for the 18months...If it was really bad, Lara and Lachlan will head back to Aus without me, and I will see it out, in a 1 bedroom dog box, and just BANK as much USD as possible. Then return home and get a job and do what I was, I am a SAP Functional Consultant, and there is that much work world wide at the moment, Getting a job is actually last on the list of things important.

SAP consultant would be a great carieer. Never be without work, that program is impossible to use

T3rminator · 02-08-2007, 08:35 AM

Hard call. I still remember just after finishing primary school my parents decided to put me into a high school some distance away because they thought it was better. As you can imagine my world came crashing down as I was quite popular in my primary school and had a stack of friends. Now it all starts again. It was hard to swallow as they never talked me through it. I still remember sitting in the car when they told me. I remember the exact moment.

I still hold some resentment as I eventually lost total contact with the many "best friends". But I believe my parents did what they thought was best. Life goes on.... we learn to adapt. I wouldn't let one moment sway you to make a move back to Aust. Once he makes new friends it'll be a different story

Hey once he starts meeting american chicks it will be a VERY different story.

:

jonk · 02-08-2007, 08:47 AM

MYVYSS, I've got an uncle/aunty who went through exactly the same thing having to move over for the RAAF, Australian embassy, Washington(Lived in Balitmore btw) They eventually got counselling for the kids and found out it would cause too much damage to take the kids back just because they wanted to - it had to be a learning experience and both kids were made to understand that it was for the 'whole' family's benefit to stay because even young people can be made to understand the importance of a golden opportunity.

They ended up staying about 14 years, and made some brilliant connections for when the uncle retired into a private aero business.

One point to make is, eventually down the track the young one will learn later on that he 'might' have been responsible for costing Daddy so much money - and this was the main reason to avoid causing lingering guilt in the future. Sort of guilt by association. That's if you do move.

It just might take a short holiday home with mum to have other relatives in Oz be ready to back up your decision to stay, have them primed for it so they all contribute and give feedback to the young one.

Papa Smurf · 02-08-2007, 09:41 AM

You did the best thing possible, you listened to your son and talked it out as a family. Obviously you have a great deal of love and care for your Family, good on ya.

Kids are very resilient, time will tell.

matthews · 02-08-2007, 09:53 AM

Money is not every thing. Happyness is more important.

Go baby Go · 02-08-2007, 10:09 AM

First and foremost, you should be incredibly proud to have raised such a great boy. It's not often a child can open up like that to their folks when they know much went into moving over there......... seriously well done.

I moved into my 21st house at the ripe old age of 27 (18 of them were with my folks) , and the biggest move was 5000kms and knew no one when we got there......I was 8 and the whole thing was very overwhelming. My family were great, but it simply takes time - more than just a couple of months.By the sounds of it,Lachlan is doing okay, but just having those times like we all do where familiararity is so much easier - it's scary when you're 8.

It must be heartbreaking to hear those words come from him, but it does take time - all this is still fairly new. New school - sure he will some buddies, but getting some close mates does take a little time..... I am glad for the experience in all the places I have lived.

I daresday in another few months he will be feeling far more comfortable and will have settled in - kids are a resilient bunch.

When the family come over, have them re-iterate how great it is in the USA and how lucky he is to be there - maybe hearing it from the ones who matter so much to him may lessen the loneliness.

svo347 · 02-08-2007, 10:29 AM

Give him time mate, try and spend alot of time with the family, as a family, go places hes likes to go to every so often, Its natural for him to be sad..
Not many kids can actually say they have been overseas, Goodluck to you all

EA2BA · 02-08-2007, 10:42 AM

From experience my parents moved around alot with my dads job, not overseas but within australia, yes it was hard, but at the end of the day you have to what is best and if setting up yourself for later life matters, then kids will get over it, I dont think they will resent you (i do not resent my parents), in the fullness of time they will understand why you did it and appreciate what that has got them.

pb02 · 02-08-2007, 10:57 AM

It's a tough one. Having lived overseas in a few different countries and also having a wife from overseas I can see what both he and you are going through.
The one thing that I learned though is that no matter where you go from here you will miss Australia, but if or when you return you will find that you miss America too.
Having lived there in the past I still think about moving back with my wife. But the next month we talk about how much we miss Peru and about moving back there. Heck, there are times when I miss China and think about heading back there too.

MYVYSS · 02-08-2007, 03:47 PM

Thanks for all the replies, yeah we are staying put for now thats for sure, I would be a complete imbecile if I packed up and moved already lol. But was just after some others input. I hope in a couple of months I post up a pic of him with his mates, playing (insert sport here) we have enrolled him in Horse Riding as he loved that back home. So thats a start and the new school year is about to begin...so I think he may have just had a bad day, But as some have pointed out, its lovely to know that what ever he is feeling and going thru, he has the trust, and love in us to just tell us...He really is the best son I could ask for...And at the end of the day all I want in life is for him to be happy and respectful. I am sure we are going to be fine...

Once again

Thanks so much

Regards

Craig.

pb02 · 02-08-2007, 04:27 PM

I forgot to ask, how long have you been there? 3 months??
I only ask because I've been told that the 3 months is when it all sinks in. I know a couple of times for me after three months overseas (12 month stays) I would be a bit grumpy and home sick for friends, food and places.
My wife was the same moving here, after that it's fine, you get times when you miss things but the 3 month period was always the worst for me.

DOC · 02-08-2007, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MYVYSS

if your Child was unhappy cause of a choice you made, would you sacrifice your career and money for the simple happiness of them. I love my boy and I know my parents are heartbroken at him not being there every weekend. I also know I would be able to get work back in Australia simply.

What would you do?

MYVY, This is not an uncommon thing, when our children were very young ( around the age of your lad ) we moved from tin pot to big city, and as kids are they at the start felt the emotions as you describe

But remeber as a parent you are entrusted with their future on all fronts and as a parent not only in this case but many decissions you make moving forward the little tackers may not see reason, but you must stay path of the course for the better outcome long term and not be one who makes or changes decissions based soley on the whims of our kids, this ultimatley teaches them poor leadership, stay your course within normal reasoning and all will be good, my kids wont even go back bush even if i paid them now.

robjh80 · 02-08-2007, 08:55 PM

There's an old saying,

"You can take the Boy out of the Country........but you can't take the Country out of the Boy"

Take it from someone who knows, I emigrated to this side of the world with my family when I was only 10 years old.

Come home mate.

shane3 · 02-08-2007, 09:24 PM

He's an 8 year old kid, give him 3 months and he will be fine, buy him a BB gun gun he will never want to come back to Australia.

jaydee · 02-08-2007, 09:28 PM

Ask the little fella if he's prepared to stick it out until Christmas and then if he still wants to go home you will make the move.
Christmas in the US would be a different experience thats for sure, maybe go somewhere it's snowing.
Family first mate, good on ya for at least considering your options and taking into account the little guys problems.

Green X · 02-08-2007, 09:36 PM

by Christmas he may have changed his mind after he has settled in to the new lifestyle and made some new friends.

Do you think mabey too much contact with people from home has playing with his emotions??

I know it's not the same, but when i was a Kid 5-6YO we had to move North for dad's Job and I went from always being around my close Family in Perth (We have 2 uncles and ant's, 4 cousins and my grandparents all living with in 3 blocks of each other+ Other friends LOL) and i know me and my brother went thou a phase where we missed everyone back in Perth, but i don't think it lasted long, We did make it a point of spending around 2 weeks a year back home, sometimes the old man couldn't make it for all that time due to work so mum my brother and I would go and the old man would come down when he could.

I also became friends with now what I would say is my best mate of 18 years, Your Kid probably doesn't relies it ATM but he will look back on it when he is older and relies what a grate time he had, I know I Do.