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Old 13-01-2007, 10:11 AM   #31
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http://youtube.com/watch?v=jeL4-kTIAJY

EDIT: Already posted above...
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Old 13-01-2007, 11:23 AM   #32
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GK - I agree 100% with what your saying. I suppose its always the first thing to jump at, better education in schools, but it really does come down to the kid and their own personal values.

Mental - I also agree 100%, those drugs you mentioned are a big list of no no's that some people make a big mistake with. A big problem is, the way the world is evolving, taking these more powerful and very harmful drugs seems to becoming less and less bad in the eyes of the up and coming generations. What I mean is, in say 5 years, will taking a toke of the ice pipe be no different to sucking back a few cones in most peoples eyes? It seems its heading that way and as has been said, its up to the individuals to make up their own mind.

Thanks for everyones replies, I've changed my position on this issue.
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Old 13-01-2007, 12:10 PM   #33
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GK, you raise the exact same things that I think about. I really think it is sooo important to be a strong family to prevent these things happening to your kids and to try and help your kids make the right decisions. I really worry about these things since I have a 13 year old daughter who is very easily led by peers and a very strong willed 9 year old son (and a 9 month old baby).

I do try to talk to the older ones quite often about lots of life things, like drugs and similar issues. I have always had quite in depth conversations, honest conversations with my kids about these sorts of things, hoping that some of it will sink in. The problem is that their Dad took off when they were little (my daughter was 4 and my son was 8 months old) and he was on all kinds of drugs.

They saw how he behaved, how unreliable he was and how it affected his life. But the problem was that I have had to work pretty hard at my career since then. I have always wanted to give them a good life, I wanted them to get a good education and live in a decent area. So I have had to study and work hard to try and make those things happen too, while also trying to 'be there' for the kids too and its a hard balancing act.

The thing I know is that they are NOW quite aware of the effects of drugs having seen their father. Their Dad is now well off them and not doing too badly and he sees the kids every second weekend or so, and he treats them pretty well but they are aware of the differences between his life and ours, how he complains that he has nothing and calls them spoilt (because they go to private schools, have separate bedrooms at home, get to travel a bit, etc). My son actually told him that if he hadnt taken drugs for so long, he might have been able to do better with his life and get a better job, and that the drugs damaged his head and made him sad. His Dad didnt complain much after that.

I really do hope though, that I spend enough time with my kids. I dont know if I talk to them enough or too much! Im not home as much as I would like, thats for sure, but I dont have that much choice these days, as I am the source of cash. I try and keep my hours reasonable and dont work on weekends and I dont work at home, but sometimes it is hard because you get so tired when you get home...

I think schools can play a part, but I think it is not as simple as that. The parents play the biggest role I think. And I think the area that a child lives in plays a part too, I know this from experience. There is a public school around here which my kids went to temporarily and the kids who went there were all just allowed to run around and do what they please, take what they please and really do the most horrible things. Mine now go to a private school in another town close to ours (Hahndorf) and the attitude is totally different. The parents who send their kids there are different, they dont let their kids run amok in the same ways, they pay attention to their kids and consequently the environment is just very different.

They are going to a big private school in the city in high school - Pulteney Grammar. My main reasons for choosing that school are becuase of specific issues my kids have with their academic learning as they are gifted but have a few other issues as well. Also because they have a fantastic education as far as general academic results are concerned. However, I worry that because it is a fairly wealthy school that drugs and such influences may be MORE available at a school like that than anywhere else, just due to the access to money.....or whether drugs are available at all schools pretty much everywhere...

In any case, it is all about choices I think, parenting styles, how much you work, what you talk to your kids about, where you live, where your kids go to school, how much you are prepared to expose them to to teach them.... and its not easy. Im just starting so I dont know if I will have success or if I will fail but Im trying my best. I guess that is all we can do.
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Old 13-01-2007, 05:57 PM   #34
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XRchic, from what I can see in your post, you have the perfect combo. You have a caring attitude, an open mind and your kids have seen first hand what being irresponsible does to a person.

If your daughter is being easily lead by peer pressure, sounds like she's after acceptance. Perhaps you could raise this issue with her and see why it is that she needs to be accepted so badly.
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Old 13-01-2007, 08:33 PM   #35
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XRchic,

It sounds like you have your head screwed on just right and that you're doing mighty job with your kids. If every single parent put in like you do, it would be a great thing!

Quote:
Originally Posted by XRchic
I do try to talk to the older ones quite often about lots of life things, like drugs and similar issues. .
Exactly right. The communication lines have to be kept open.

Quote:
Originally Posted by XRchic
The problem is that their Dad took off when they were little (my daughter was 4 and my son was 8 months old) and he was on all kinds of drugs.
Have you got other positive male role models in their life. Do you have a good quality brother or uncle or workmate? These really help, and take some of the pressure off yourself if you're going it alone! It's really great that they can still see their dad though. In the final analysis, he is still their dad. Good on you!

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Originally Posted by XRchic
But the problem was that I have had to work pretty hard at my career since then. I have always wanted to give them a good life, I wanted them to get a good education and live in a decent area. So I have had to study and work hard to try and make those things happen too, while also trying to 'be there' for the kids too and its a hard balancing act.
Sure is. I admire you working towards their good education. That is a good thing. It must be really hard sometimes to try to balance things out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by XRchic
Their Dad .......complains that he has nothing and calls them spoilt (because they go to private schools, have separate bedrooms at home, get to travel a bit, etc). My son actually told him that if he hadnt taken drugs for so long, he might have been able to do better with his life and get a better job, and that the drugs damaged his head and made him sad. His Dad didnt complain much after that.
He sounds like a very astute young fella. Good on him for saying that. Sometimes the sad but hard truths need to be told. He has made a vital connection that our choices have consequences that can be long term. That is a very good thing, and worth discussing again and again with your kids. I don't mean about their dad, that would just run him down. But about others, on TV, in the paper. That is one of the best things parents can do I reckon, helping kids to see every action has outcomes, either neutral, positive or negative.

Quote:
Originally Posted by XRchic
Im not home as much as I would like, thats for sure, but I dont have that much choice these days, as I am the source of cash. I try and keep my hours reasonable and dont work on weekends and I dont work at home, but sometimes it is hard because you get so tired when you get home... .
Isn't that the truth. Don't be hard on yourself about it though, you're the only bread winner and I'm sure they understand that. You are working hard at keeping the balance, being with them on weekends is always a good thing.

In my mind, because you are aware of these issues and taking action to address them, you are doing a great job. I see so many parents with not even 10% of your understanding, so well done, keep up the good work.

Your kids are blessed to have you!

GK
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Old 13-01-2007, 08:56 PM   #36
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Jac ... you go girl ....... ;)


I aspire to be as great a Mum as you are ........ I can only hope I am one step ahead of you as my kids have been through the same and worse as you know but are older .......
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Old 14-01-2007, 12:38 AM   #37
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Agree with GK, Mental and Mother Nature's sentiments, your kids are very lucky to have such a great role model in you XRchic. You are definately the type of parent anyone would aspire to be when they have kids.

I hope you are very proud of yourself, you have obviously worked very hard and managed to overcome such adversity.
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