Think Before you Speak - HAHA

Fev · 27-02-2008, 09:03 AM

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak-the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back, or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the six Testimonials of people who wished they could!

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word, he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one

of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.

The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".

I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
So, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any?
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Grechie · 27-02-2008, 09:10 AM

hahahaha all gold especially the last one !!

Tha Jack · 27-02-2008, 09:14 AM

All old...That email has been around since the dinosaurs.

Fev · 27-02-2008, 09:24 AM

really? lol only saw it yesterday from a work mate.. but usually office emails are around for yonks

**killerjoolz** · 27-02-2008, 09:44 AM

still funny though even if they are old......I still get a laugh every time I read them....lol

Feathers · 27-02-2008, 10:10 AM

I saw a similar thing happen at the opening of Westfield Burwood.

It was my Year 12 Graduation day, so we didn't have to attend school until the graduation ceremony at lunchtime.

My friends and I went to a cafe in Burwood for breakfast, and were walking around the complex for awhile, when one of my friends needed to go to the bathroom.

There was quite a queue when we walked into the ladies, so we joined the line and waited.

Second in line was a woman with her young son. She went into the next empty cubicle and took her son in too, so he wouldn't wander off.

There were a few quiet conversations going on, but it was pretty quiet, so we all heard when her son said "Mummy? Why do you have hair on your bottom?" quite loudly.

Everyone in line had to stifle their laughter as she opened the door, and walked to the basins to wash her hands.
There was nowhere for us to turn that she couldn't see our amusement, as all the walls were mirrored.

I've actually seen the video of the last one in the list. It was on one of those blooper shows ages ago.

Fev · 27-02-2008, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Feathers

I saw a similar thing happen at the opening of Westfield Burwood.

It was my Year 12 Graduation day, so we didn't have to attend school until the graduation ceremony at lunchtime.

My friends and I went to a cafe in Burwood for breakfast, and were walking around the complex for awhile, when one of my friends needed to go to the bathroom.

There was quite a queue when we walked into the ladies, so we joined the line and waited.

Second in line was a woman with her young son. She went into the next empty cubicle and took her son in too, so he wouldn't wander off.

There were a few quiet conversations going on, but it was pretty quiet, so we all heard when her son said "Mummy? Why do you have hair on your bottom?" quite loudly.

Everyone in line had to stifle their laughter as she opened the door, and walked to the basins to wash her hands.
There was nowhere for us to turn that she couldn't see our amusement, as all the walls were mirrored.

I've actually seen the video of the last one in the list. It was on one of those blooper shows ages ago.

damn thats embarrassing!!

Angry Beaver · 27-02-2008, 11:20 AM

Out of the mouths of babes. They will get you everytime. Oldest son who was about 2 at the time turned to daddy in the shopping aisles with people everywhere and said in a funny voice and rather loud, "Daddy you Farted". Well I just about piddled my pants and I swear I have never seen my kids dad get so embarrassed. That will teach him for leaving land mines for old lady's to walk through.

charles_wif_xf · 27-02-2008, 11:39 AM

Absolute gold!!!

Dezza · 27-02-2008, 11:58 AM

One time recently, I was taking the door trims off the car, to change my door handles. Long story short, one of the door trims was nearly off so I said "one more screw and I can pull it off". As soon as I said it, I knew what I'd done. Me and my housemate both cracked up laughing.

Another one was when I was going to a BBQ with a spit, just as I was leaving, I said "I'm going out for a spitroast"

jlef5 · 27-02-2008, 03:27 PM

I remember back at high school, someone brought in some "space" icecream, basically it was the sort of icecream taken into space by NASA etc. He was handing it out, someone got a piece and after tasting it said, its so good you put it in your month and it goes soft and all creamy. That got a few laughs.