Things people just shouldn't.. and i mean SHOULDN'T have said...

santoitaliano · 20-04-2005, 03:30 PM

ok people...

bullshit artists, we all know them.. post stories that are so obviously bullshit its rediculous.. ill post as i remember the 100s.. funny thing is they mostly from 1 of my mates...

1. The other day the EPA were doing dyno's in the middle of the road in williamstown..

2. I adjusted the idle on the carby on my mum's BMW (which just so happens to be fuel injected)

3. (While car was off and in neutral) *shakes knob from side to side... do u hear that rattling, that means there's something wrong in your gearbox...

4. My friend is "adjusting something" (on a new vy commodore) which gives it an extra 15kw..

5. I can get a full 2.5" exhaust + muffler brand new for $55.. (funny how it magicaly couldnt happen)

6. "I put a hole in the muffler, it sounds so much better and goes so much harder"

I will post as i remember them.. another sorta similar thing worthy of mention..

friend calls me "hey santo, someone just asked me something on the net i dont understand.. they said.. reads off the computer... "what's the g.o.?"" My reply: "they are asking you what the go is mate..."

meh..

:

b2tf · 20-04-2005, 03:37 PM

LOL @ some of those. Baaaaaaaaad!

Paris Hilton · 20-04-2005, 03:49 PM

guy named Rory at my high school: Yeah my uncle got from here (canberra) to Sydney in 2 hours...he did it at 3am in the morning a Aston Martin V8, doing 180km/h, but 170 around the corners

:

Also the good old "Yeah I always go around corners in 4th" - thinking that a) 4th means fast, and b) that fast means hardcore.

santoitaliano · 20-04-2005, 03:53 PM

oh **** just remembered a classic (same guy)....

My uncle has a 13 inch exhaust

lmao... lovely bullshiting, damn shame he has no idea of imperical to metric conversions..

GT-P 738 · 20-04-2005, 03:54 PM

A friend of mine has a piece of shit car and when i tell him he has to go get a "new" part he always comes back and says.

Ok i went to wreckers and got a "new one" which means it is a second hand POS that he calls new.

And then wonders why it shits itself the next day.

TheSneakiness · 20-04-2005, 04:02 PM

I had a mate in high school who thought the part of a G-String which goes in the back went in the front...

Mike Gayner · 20-04-2005, 04:04 PM

My new workmate (who happens to be a dipshit);

"Seen those cool new 50cc scooters?! My mate bought one and took out the resister, now it does 70km/h!"

Walkinshaw · 20-04-2005, 04:07 PM

"Yeah i got oversized valves put in my RX7"

M14A-Mclaren · 20-04-2005, 04:24 PM

"My Grandma taught me how to do racing gear shifts"

No shit, someone actually said that to Skinny_Puppy, gave me and him alot of laughs though.

santoitaliano · 20-04-2005, 04:24 PM

different person...this maybe isnt bullshit.. but i have a solution..

b/a" "Man it was eatin up clutches, diffs and gearboxes"... me: "but it's stock".. b/a: "yea man must b like a freak from factory"

solution if not bullshit: stick to auto or a pushbike mate! or learn to drive manual..

20-04-2005, 04:26 PM

on the topic of what shouldnt be said.....

"is it in yet?"

:

TheSneakiness · 20-04-2005, 04:35 PM

Here's another one that this particular mate said in High school... (not car related)

"Hong Kong is in China"....

Danny · 20-04-2005, 04:38 PM

One from a DJ that was MCing at a 21st I was supervising at work.

DJ: "I'm One of the only DJ's in melbourne, who can mix without headphones."
Me: "Yeah?"
DJ: "Yeah, my mate Roger taught me that.... sorry, FatBoy SLim I mean. Yeah you know Fatboy Slim? His real name's Roger"

(On further investigation Mr Slim's real name is Norman Cook)

Also
DJ: "I make about $200 grand clear a year DJ'ing mate cuz i have the widest selection of 80's music in melbourne. Mate my reckords would fill 7 trailers worth!"
Me: "So I guess you'd be able to play Sweet Child O' Mine by The Gunners for me at some stage then?"
<Silence>
DJ: "Mate I fink I left that one at home..... I got it but."

And this one.
DJ: "I used to be the resident DJ at Gatecrasher and Gods Kitchen.... I came back to australia and I DJ small functions like this now just for fun."

Or. (!)
DJ: "Mayte ive done pretty well in this business. See that HSV outsid? (Its a maroon exec with rims and some dodge bodykit), Thats my toy.
Me (I've cottoned on to his bullshit): "Nice man, well my toy is that Grey EF XR over the road from yours, Bodykit, 5 speed manual, exhaust, sports shocks etc etc etc. Spent heaps on it".
DJ: "Oh... Umm well the HSV isnt my real toy, my real toys at home, Its a 350Z done up of its tits and painted purple"

:

hmmmm.. Funniest thing was that all this bullshit came from a guy that looked to be in his late thirties or early forties! ****in Douche!

:

Yo DJ! Screech screech!
-Dan

Danny · 20-04-2005, 04:39 PM

****edited by xa-coupe*****
Thats a classy **** first post that.

:

20-04-2005, 05:02 PM

djs are the worst shit talkers ever.

steve strangis is the worst. u should see his website.douchebag

:

bindi · 20-04-2005, 05:06 PM

DJ: "Mate I fink I left that one at home..... I got it but."

LMFAO that is gold Danny! What a d*ckhead DJ :togo:

XplosiveR6 · 20-04-2005, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AUII_XLS_Ute

Here's another one that this particular mate said in High school... (not car related)

"Hong Kong is in China"....

lol, hong kong is actually part of china, therefore is in china, same as tasmania is in australia.

needfordspeed · 20-04-2005, 05:22 PM

"If you put a ciggie lighter up your exhaust it'll double the power"

"I'm gonna get a VN SS for my first car but i'm gonna take the power windows out so it'll be under the power to weight ratio"

niko · 20-04-2005, 05:25 PM

"some lebo that looks like sleek: man im not happy with my rx7's turbo, i wanna get a bigger one.

me: how big?

just a bigger one for more power"

Feathers · 20-04-2005, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by needfordspeed

"I'm gonna get a VN SS for my first car but i'm gonna take the power windows out so it'll be under the power to weight ratio"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

:

MickyB · 20-04-2005, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EF_Dave

lol, hong kong is actually part of china, therefore is in china, same as tasmania is in australia.

Thats what I was about to post. Hmm,

:

A girl who I went to high school with who had some very nice assets once asked me if 'cleavage' was part of a car. WTF!!

Walkinshaw · 20-04-2005, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danny

Me: "So I guess you'd be able to play Sweet Child O' Mine by The Gunners for me at some stage then?"
<Silence>
DJ: "Mate I fink I left that one at home..... I got it but."

Sorry but every one should carry the Gunner's entire disography on their person at all times!! ;)

Nice work Dan

santoitaliano · 20-04-2005, 06:04 PM

GOLD!

Quote:

Originally Posted by needfordspeed

"If you put a ciggie lighter up your exhaust it'll double the power"

"I'm gonna get a VN SS for my first car but i'm gonna take the power windows out so it'll be under the power to weight ratio"

Kapn_Kiwi · 20-04-2005, 06:17 PM

As Adam posted, there was some tool who said he learnt racing gearshifts (in a paddock) from his grandma. This is at the ripe old age of 13, and it was in her car from about 30 years ago that had been restored, and left in a barn. His grandma sure had a lot of cool stuff though. She had a P4 when the P3 was almost out (she got it from Ireland, apparently) and blah blah blah... you get the picture.

GTFalcon 351 · 20-04-2005, 06:43 PM

Every lebo in the western suburbs apparently has a cousin with a vl turbo that runs 9's

BTW Milana, i love the avatar, where can i find the full screen version?

Racecraft · 20-04-2005, 06:45 PM

This towie that dropped off one of my cars was gold,
"Yea i love old Fords mate i have a hotted up GT at home with a 350 in it."
"Ohhh yea it goes hard, I have lost my license twice"

_

Another one was an add I saw on the back of an AUII for sale
"Good car, always serviced, V6 power"

:

Out at the pub I told a bloke that was a sandwich short of a picnic that an Asian girl has her private parts sideways to match their eyes. He then preceeded to tell everyone that he met that night that he had slept with so many asian girls and did they know their slit was longways..

A "car expert" came into the workshop to see if I would sell him a carby for his CFI EA. I tried to explain that it was fuel injected and he response was "Nope your wrong it has an aircleaner"

Years ago at school in PE we were doing the birds and bees/puberty when the question was asked what one of the first signs of development in boys and girls.
To which my mate shot his hand up and answered "PUBLIC HAIR"

One of my little brothers mates as I was driving them to the Valley one night said "The power button on your trans makes the car go like a race car"... I left it at that until he looked at my LPG LED gauge and asked me why I wasn't running the car at full boost. I swear I laughed so hard the tears streaming down my face obstructed my vision.

A friend's family came back from a world trip, at their welcome back dinner as the idle chit chat faded the mother pronounced that they went to Beirut and she ate LESBIAN... I think the word she was after was lebanese but I had to leave the room.

Thats enough for now

MAD · 20-04-2005, 06:48 PM

Yep I know a few of these....

A guy at school has tried to tell me his friends mum has a series 4 AU falcon (it has the BA headlights), but he funnily enough has stopped talking to that guy so he cant get me the owners manual
This same guy also seems to think he loves to double clutch while drag racing...watched FnF a few too many times i think.
Oh and hes had a pod filter on his car but decided he didnt like it so many times I've lost count.

And another friend who thinks he knows a guy that can simply undo a screw on the carby of an XF and unleash 30kw, and apparently Ford know about it but dont tell anyone.

There are no bounds for stupidity.

rodderz · 20-04-2005, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AUII_XLS_Ute

I had a mate in high school who thought the part of a G-String which goes in the back went in the front...

lol...so he took a "cut lunch" with him to school then?

:

K_Man · 20-04-2005, 07:39 PM

b/a: yeah, was at the drags, had a few races, then i went drifting it at drifting it at 180km/h up in the sticks, it handles so damn well at that speed.
me: Uh huh, and what do you drive?
b/a: a satria

Had to walk away to recompose myself after that one.

smciner1 · 20-04-2005, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by K_Man

b/a: yeah, was at the drags, had a few races, then i went drifting it at 180km/h up in the sticks, it handles so damn well at that speed.
me: Uh huh, and what do you drive?
b/a: a satria

Had to walk away to recompose myself after that one.

Reminds me of a mates brother who once told me that as he raced through the traffic he was "At One (tm)" with his Daewoo........

And as quoted above, I had to leave the room.......